Chronicles of Contemplation | Episode 2 Fear

SPEAKER_00: Welcome back, everyone. This is Dr. Jenny Amory with the second episode of Chronicles of Contemplation. We are trying something new. And hey, I appreciate everybody that downloaded them. I'd love to hear what you think about them. Uh so feel free to message me and let me know what you think. Let's begin, shall we? These chronicles are not intended to persuade scientists to rewrite textbooks. Instead, they are opportunities to explore. These are the Chronicles of Contemplation. Chronicles of Contemplation, Booth Number Seven, Fear. The cafe was just beginning to wake. Morning sunlight spilled through the front windows, catching tiny swirls of steam rising from the freshly poured coffee. A few early patrons sat quietly in distant booths, newspapers folded open beside half finished breakfasts, while somewhere in the background a grinder hummed before surrendering once again to the silence. Booth number seven waited. It always seemed to wait. Scientist was already there, exactly as Rabbit Hole Girl expected him to be. A warm mug of coffee rested comfortably between his hands while an empty notebook lay open beside it, patiently waiting to collect another morning's worth of impossible questions. The notebook somehow never seemed disappointed when it left with more questions than answered, however. Rabbit hole girl appeared, carrying her own coffee. A smile already stretched across her face. Good morning, scientist, greeted Rabbit Hole Girl. Scientist looked up and returned the smile. Good morning, Rabbit Hole Girl, he replied. She slid into booth number seven across from him as she always does. For a moment neither of them spoke. They simply enjoyed the quiet rhythm of the cafe, beginning another day. Scientist finally lifted his mug. So he smiled. What shall we contemplate today? Rabbit Hole Girl wrapped both hands around her mug. She looked out the window for a moment before answering. Scientist raised one eyebrow very curiously, then glanced at his coffee, then back at Rabbit Hole Girl. Rabbit Hole Girl asked, Scientist, is fear always an emotion or is it sometimes just a placeholder for missing information? Scientist answered. Interesting question. The less evidence we have, the more imagination fills the gaps. Experience often doesn't eliminate fear by arguing with it. It replaces uncertainty with memory. Well, we've certainly skipped the warm-up, scientist continued. Rabbit hole girl laughed. I don't think fear has ever enjoyed warm-ups. Scientist chuckled. I suppose not. Rabbit Hole Girl leaned forward slightly. You know, before we wander off into speculation, let's invite our old friend mister Webster. A familiar thump landed softly in the center of booth number seven. An old, well worn dictionary appeared between them. Without anyone touching it, the pages began turning slowly, methodically, as though some unseen librarian already knew exactly where today's conversation needed to begin. The pages settled, the book remained open, waiting patiently. Scientist leaned forward and read aloud. According to mister Webster, he smiled, fear is an unpleasant, often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. He looked up. It also includes expecting something with alarm. He then gently closed the dictionary just enough to mark the page. A rather concise definition, wouldn't you agree? Rabbit hole girl smiled over the rim of her mug. Is it? she asked. Scientist laughed. I suspected that definition wasn't going to survive very long. They both smiled. Rabbit hole girl became thoughtful. There's one word that catches my attention. Scientist glanced back towards the dictionary. Danger he questioned. Rabbit hole girl shook her head. Nope. Anticipation? As he looked back at the page. I wonder if anticipation that might be the one. Rabbit hole girl leaned forward. I understand awareness of danger. So do I, he replied. If a bear walks through the front door, scientists slowly turned towards the entrance, I imagine the remainder of this conversation will become considerably shorter. He snarked. Rabbit Hole Girl laughed. It would indeed. If the cafe caught fire, if someone points a gun at us, if the floor suddenly collapsed belief beneath booth number seven, scientists nodded in agreement, my nervous system may become involved. Well, I would hope so, Rabbi Ho girl smiled. Those make perfect sense to me. But anticipation, she paused. That's interesting. Scientist folded his hands, leaned back in his booth. Go on, he replied. Rabbaho girl looked thoughtfully out the window again. Anticipation means the thing hasn't happened yet. Scientist nodded. Okay. So if the danger hasn't happened, what exactly am I experiencing? she asked. Scientist grinned. Yet another excellent question. Rabbit hole girl continued. I wonder if we're not really anticipating danger. I wonder if we're anticipating our expectation. Scientist then picked up his pen. He wrote two words in his trusty notebook danger and expectation. Then looked back up. Explain the distinction. Rabbit Hole Girl smiled. Gladly, sir. If I'm standing in the middle of the road and I suddenly notice a bus heading toward me, that's awareness. The danger exists. It's happening now. Scientist tilted his head. No disagreement. But if I'm lying awake in bed worrying about a presentation next Tuesday, there's no presentation in my bedroom. Scientist smiled. No. There isn't even Tuesday in my bedroom. Scientist then began to laugh out loud. Thankfully. Rabbiho girl continued, so perhaps I'm not responding to reality, she paused. Perhaps I'm responding to a story I've written about reality. Scientist rested his pen against his notebook. Well, from a scientist's perspective, there's something worth contemplating there. Rabbiho Girl smiled again as if she had won a trophy. She always likes it when scientists tells her she could possibly be right. Interesting, she replied. Scientist pointed gently. Don't she laughed. You've only been awake for thirty minutes I know, he said. And already you used my favorite word against me. It seemed appropriate, she replied. Scientist shook his head with theatrical resignation. I have a feeling this is going to be one of those mornings. Rabbit hole girl with a grin from ear to ear. I certainly hope so. The most delightful kind. A comfortable silence settled over booth number seven. Scientist finally spoke, you know. The human brain is remarkably predictive. Rabbit Hogirl looked up. What? What do you mean? Scientist continued. Our nervous system isn't simply reacting. It's constantly trying to predict. It asks questions such as what is likely to happen next? Have I experienced something similar before? Should I prepare? Rabbit Hole Girl nodded slowly. Go on. So perhaps prediction is useful. Scientist continued. But prediction can also become he searched for the word over enthusiastic. Rabbit hole girl laughed. I've met a few people like that. So have I, he replied while rolling his eyes. They both smiled. Rabbit Hole Girl became quiet again. The thoughtful kind of quiet, not the dangerous kind. Not yet anyway. Finally she spoke. Scientist Yes I think fear has a very honorable beginning. Scientist nodded immediately. I would agree with that. Our ancestors lived in a very different world, Rabbit Hole Girl continued. They certainly did. Scientist agreed. They weren't worried about learning podcast software. Scientist smiled. No. They were worried about becoming breakfast, she continued on. Scientists chuckled. An entirely different performance review. Rabbit Hold girl laughed with him. If a tiger stepped out of the trees, fear wasn't a flaw, it was a gift. Scientists nodded in agreement. Precisely. It rapidly prepares the body for survival. Heart rate increases, breathing changes, blood flow shifts towards the muscles, digestion becomes far less important. Rabbitho Girl grinned. The body basically says we will digest lunch later. We have more important things at hand. Scientists agreed. Let's survive first. They both laughed. Rabbitho Girl became thoughtful once more, so perhaps fear isn't the problem. Um I wouldn't call it one for sure, scientists replied. Well, I think what I'm beginning to question, she paused, is whether we've become very poor at sorting. Scientist looked intrigued. Sorting? he asked. Rabbit Hole Girl smiled. Buckets. Scientist looked over his glasses and blinked with quiet uncertainty. Buckets Where did buckets come from? Where they always do, she laughed. I think we've placed too many experiences into a fear bucket. Scientist uncapped his pen. I believe that deserves a diagram. So he began to draw three large circles across the page of his notebook. Rabbaho Girl leaned over to watch. Scientist labeled the first one immediate danger, the second caution. The third remained blank. He looked up. Well, what belongs here? Rabbaho Girl smiled. I think as she pointed to the empty circle, that one's gonna surprise us. She glanced out the cafe window once again. I think that's where unfamiliar belongs. Scientist slowly wrote the word, then sat back. A long silence. Finally he smiled. Rabbaho girl? Yes I believe we're only getting started. Scientist studied the three circles he had drawn immediate danger, caution, and unfamiliar. He tapped the notebook thoughtfully with his pen. You know, I never actually thought of organizing experiences this way. Rabbit Hole Girl smiled. Neither had I. I think the idea found me while I was procrastinating. That's a subtle but important distinction, scientists began. You didn't become brave because someone convinced you the podcast would be easy. You didn't become confident because now your brain has evidence. Yesterday there was no file in your mental cabinet labeled I Know How to Produce a Podcast. Today there is. Rabbit Hole Girl took a deep breath. Which makes me wonder whether confidence is less like a personality trait and more like a library. Every time you do something new, you add another book to the shelf. The next time you encounter a similar challenge, your mind doesn't have to invent a story. It simply pulls a book off the shelf and says, Ah, we've read this one before. That idea also explains why people who seem fearless often aren't fearless at all. They've simply accumulated enough experiences that their internal library is well stopped. So perhaps the opposite of fear isn't courage. Perhaps in many situations it's familiarity. And familiarity only arrives after someone is willing to take the first step into the unknown. Scientist chuckled. Now there's a mouthful I wasn't fully expecting. Rabbit Ho Girl nodded toward the notebook. Let's start with the easy bucket. She pointed to the first circle. Immediate danger. If a bear walks into this cafe, scientists slowly turned and looked toward the door. I personally reserve the right to leave before the conversation concludes, he remarked. Rabba Helgrow laughed. I think we'd both agree on that one. If the building catches fire, fear belongs there, she continued. If someone points a weapon at me, fear belongs there. If I'm standing on a railroad track and I hear a train, fear definitely belongs there. Scientists agreed with a nod. Those are situations involving immediate danger. The body's alarm system is doing precisely what evolution designed it to do. Rabbaho girl smiled. So we're not arguing with fear. No, scientist replied. We're thinking it. Precisely. She picked up her coffee. I do appreciate fear. In the proper place, of course. Scientist had a look of surprise on his face. You do? Oh yes, I do, she said, giving a thumbs up while taking a sip of her coffee. It has probably saved countless human lives. It deserves respect by all means. Scientist smiled warmly. I believe evolution would appreciate hearing that. Rabbit Ho Girl giggled. However, Scientist smiled because he knew this wasn't the end. I've noticed something. That's your favorite transition word. Of course, it opens doors, and occasionally trap doors, she said with a wide eyed look. They both laughed. Rabbiho girl pointed towards the second circle. Caution. This one feels a bit different to me. Scientist nodded in agreance. How so? he asked. When I cross a busy street, I'm not usually terrified. I simply look both ways. I pay attention. I'm aware. I'm respectful. But I'm not collapsing into panic every time I step off the curb. Scientist smiled. I would certainly hope not. You wouldn't get anywhere very quickly. Rabbit Ho girl grinned and continued. I don't avoid crossing streets. I don't stay inside my house forever because automobiles exist. I simply become cautiously aware. Scientist slowly nodded. I like that phrase. Cautiously aware. Cautious awareness. It feels calmer. It feels wiser. It feels intentional, Rabak Holgirl smiled. Precisely. And if I know I'm allergic to a wasp, I don't run screaming every time I see a flower. Scientist chuckled. No. Well, some might. But I do remain aware of my surroundings. I know where the nests are, and if I don't, I look around to make sure there are none close by. I carry my medication if I need it. I make intelligent decisions. Scientist gestured in agreement. Prepared, he said, not panic. Prepared. Exactly. He wrote another note in his handy dandy notebook. Caution equals awareness without catastrophe. Rabbaho Girl leaned over the notebook. I like that. Scientist smiled as if he had won an award. I thought you might, but a comfortable silence settled between them. Rabbiho girl finally pointed towards the third circle. Unfamiliar. She stared at the word for several moments before speaking. I think this is where most of us get into trouble. Scientist folded his hands. Do explain. Rabbaho Girl laughed softly. I, for instance, postponed recording my own podcast. Scientist listened intently. You mentioned that for weeks, I might add. But why? he asked. Well, because I told myself, she smiled sheepishly, that I didn't know how to operate the equipment. Scientists waited patiently. And that I'd never done it before. I didn't know which buttons to push. I was afraid I'd erase something. I was afraid I'd break something. I was afraid I'd somehow ruin the whole project. Scientists smiled, and then AI walked me through it step by step. It took just a few minutes. I recorded the episode. I edited it. Edited it. She chuckles. That's a hard word to say, she said. I uploaded it, I posted it, and scientist continues to listen intently. And afterwards he asked, Rabbiho girl burst into laughter. I sat there wondering why I had waited almost a month. Scientists laughed with her. So the microphone, he looked thoughtfully across the table, never actually attacked. Rabbiho Girl grinned. Not even once. It remained remarkably well behaved. She chuckled. Scientist nodded solemnly. I'll make a note of that. Microphone generally non-aggressive. He pretended to write. Rabbiho girl laughed so hard she nearly spilled her coffee. Thank goodness, the scientist smiled. But something interesting happened. What? she asked. I don't actually think you were afraid of the microphone. Rabbiho girl thought for a second. No, I wasn't. I was standing at the edge of unfamiliar. Scientist nodded slowly. Hmm. One finger upon his chin. Interesting. Rabbit Ho Girl smiled. There it is. Scientist laughed. I know, I know. He looked down at the notebook again. I wonder if we sometimes confuse unfamiliarity with danger. Rabbit Ho Girl's eyes lit up. I think that's exactly what we do. If I've never done something before, my body sometimes reacts as though it's dangerous when in reality, she shrugged her shoulders, it's simply just new, unfamiliar. Scientist rested his chin on his hand once again. From a neurological perspective, the brain often pays extra attention to unfamiliar situations. It wants more information. It hasn't built a reliable prediction yet. Rabbit Hochrow listened. So increased awareness would make sense. Certainly, she said. But increased awareness, she pointed towards the notebook, isn't necessarily the same thing as fear. Scientist paused, then slowly nodded. No, it isn't. There was a long silence in booth number seven between them. Rabbi Hokro looked out the cafe window. You know I was thinking something that you had said before. If our bodies respond chemically, didn't you talk about that once before? She asked. Scientist replied, Yes, as a matter of fact, it's scientifically proven that if you constantly are in a state of what's called fight or flight over every single issue, then you constantly have a stream of chemicals such as adrenaline and cortisol coursing through your body. You uh have feelings of anxiety and then downsweeps that feel like fatigue. You can't think. It often leads to elevated blood sugar, slower digestion, fatigue, uh, mental confusion. Yeah, there's a whole physical element in the body that takes place when you're in a constant fight or flight. So you are correct and you're remembering. Can you imagine, Rebehoguru began? If someone carried around one single bucket with all of those things in an individual bucket, they literally would stay in a constant state of what you call fight or flight. That sounds incredibly exhausting to me. And it makes perfect sense as to why they're tired and exhausted, she continues. Scientists interject, yeah, and it can oftentimes be why people feel anxiety or insomnia, and it can also sometimes maybe even lead to panic attacks. So no wonder they don't feel good. If they're constantly in a state of fight or flight, their nervous system is never getting a break. Elevated cortisol levels can affect blood sugar, spikes. It can also cause weight gain. Lots of things can go on in the body. Rabba Hill Girl takes a deep breath. Scientist looked up. I think that's where so many dreams get abandoned. Dreams, he asked. She nodded. People don't write their book. They don't start the business. They don't learn the instrument, they don't apply for the job, they don't record the podcast, they don't introduce themselves, they don't travel, they don't begin. Scientist listened quietly. Not because the dream is dangerous, she smiled sadly. But because the path is unfamiliar. Scientist slowly removed his glasses. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, then looked back at Rabbaho Girl. Rabbiho girl. Yes, she replied. I have a confession. She smiled. I'm listening. I suspect scientists are just as guilty of this as everyone else, he whispered. Rabbaho girl laughed. You what? No way. Oh yes, he said. We simply give it a more impressive vocabulary. She burst into laughter. What do you call it? Scientist smiled. We generally refer to it as he paused dramatically. Insufficient data. Rabbit Ho Girl laughed even harder. So scientists procrastinate too. Scientists nodded in agreement. Frequently. We simply make it sound peer reviewed. They both laughed. Rabbit Ho Girl became thoughtful again. So perhaps she looked down at the three circles. The question isn't simply am I afraid? She looked back up. Perhaps the better question is which bucket am I standing in? Scientist slowly capped his pen. A long silence, then he smiled. I have a feeling he looked towards the dictionary, still resting quietly between them. Mr Webster gave us the definition. He tapped the notebook gently. But booth number seven may have just given us a map. Outside another customer walked into the cafe. Inside, three little circles sat quietly on a notebook. One held a tiger, one held a crosswalk, and one a microphone. The cafe had grown a little busier. Conversations drifted quietly from nearby tables, blending with the occasional clink of the silverware against the ceramic mugs. Neither Rabbit Hole Girl nor Scientist seemed to notice much. Booth number seven had developed its own atmosphere, its own rhythm, its own little universe. Scientist studied the three circles one last time before setting his pen down. Then he looked at Rabbit Hole Girl. You know, I don't think we've reached the rabbit hole yet. Rabbit hole girl smiled mischievously. Oh you are so right. She loves it emphatically when scientist is willing to go down the rabbit hole further. I think we've merely reached the entrance. Scientists sighed dramatically. I was afraid you were going to say that. Rabbit hole girl pointed across the table. There you go again, she said. Scientist blinked. What? You use the word afraid. Scientist looked down at his coffee. I really do need to expand my vocabulary. They both laughed. After the laughter faded, Rabbit Hole Girl grew thoughtful again. Not playful necessarily, but curious. She slowly stirred her fresh cup of coffee. Scientist? Yes, he replied. I think there's another bucket. Scientist reached for his pen. I had a feeling there might be. Rabba Hogrill nodded. I don't know if it belongs beside the other three or underneath all of them. Scientist looked intrigued. Proceed. Rabba Hogrill took a slow breath. She smiled. Some of what we call fear isn't actually ours. The scientist remained very still. Finally he spoke. Define ours exactly, he said. Well, I mean she searched for just the right words. What if I'm carrying fear that someone else handed me? Scientist leaned back. Curious indeed, he replied. Rabbit hole girl smiled. I thought that might earn one. Scientist nodded. I don't agree yet. I know, she said. But I am interested. I'll take interested, and she continued. She laughed softly. When we're born, we don't know very much. Scientist shrugged his shoulders. That's an understatement to say the least. We don't know fire is hot, no, he said. We don't know roads are dangerous, no, he said again. We don't know what a snake is No. We learn, the scientist with a slow nod. Constantly, I might add. Rabajo Girl continued, our parents teach us, our grandparents teach us, our teachers teach us, our culture teaches us. They tell us don't touch that. Be careful, stay away from there. People like that aren't safe. You'll never make a living doing that. Don't embarrass yourself. Don't fail. Play a safe man. She looked thoughtfully into her coffee. I'm not saying they're wrong, scientists replied immediately. I'm glad you said that, Revel girl continued. Most of them were just trying to protect us. They loved us. They were teaching us from what they knew, from their experiences, from their own successes, and sometimes she smiled gently, from their own wounds. Scientists said quietly and then nodded. I think there's considerable evidence for that, he finally spoke. Rabbit Hole girl looked up. There is. They learn emotional responses, they learn what the adults around them celebrate, what they fear. Rabajo girl smiled warmly. So perhaps before we're even old enough to choose our beliefs, we just borrow them. Scientists tapped the table thoughtfully. I can certainly support the idea that we inherit patterns of thinking and expectation and habits and assumptions. Rather hole nodded in excitement. So here's my question, she said. Scientist smiled a side smile. I suspected one was coming, it always does. What if she paused, part of becoming an adult is deciding which of those borrowed beliefs still belong in our life? Scientist didn't answer immediately. Instead he opened his notebook to a fresh page. At the top he wrote borrowed beliefs. Below that he drew two columns and the fourth circle, which no one had filled in yet. In the two columns he wrote Still serves me, no longer serves me. Rabbit Hoagirl leaned forward to see what he was writing. Ooh, I like that. Scientist gave a side mouthed grin. They sat quietly for a moment. Then Rabbit Hoagirl smiled. Can I give you an example? Please do, he said, with Pin waiting and ready. If I grow up hearing over and over starting a business is risky. Artists never make any money. People always disappoint you. Rich people are greedy. You'll probably fail. Those statements begin to sound like facts. Scientists nodded cautiously. When in reality they're interpretations, he interjected. Rabbit Hole Girl smiled. Yes, indeed. They may have been true for the person who said them. They may even have been true many times, but they aren't automatically universal law. Scientists looked thoughtfully towards the cafe window. I think one of the hardest things humans ever do is separate experience from certainty. Rabbit Hole Girl smiled. What do you mean? Someone has one painful experience, they conclude this always happens. Rabbit Ho Girl nodded thoughtfully. Or one relationship ends badly, so they conclude no one can be trusted. Scientist nodded in agreement. Or one investment fails, so they conclude starting a business is dangerous, he said. Rabbit Ho girl leaned forward. And eventually someone else's experience, or even one of our own experiences, stops being information and it becomes identity. Scientist slowly removed his glasses with a long silence. Rabbit Ho girl. Yes. I don't know if I'd use the word identity, she shrugged. Fair. But I would absolutely say it becomes a lens, he replied. Rabbit Ho Girl smiled. I like that even better, scientist continued. We all see the world through lenses. Some are built from education, some from culture, some from experiences, some from trauma, some from joy. Danger, he paused, is forgetting we're wearing them. Rabbit Ho Girl became very quiet. She looked out the window once again, where her father was teaching his little daughter to ride the bicycle in the parking lot. The little girl wobbled, fell, laughed, got back up. Her father smiled and studied the bicycle once again. Rabbit Ho Girl watched them for several moments. Then she smoke, spoke almost to herself. Imagine if he ran over after the first fall, took the bicycle away forever, and said, Bicycles are dangerous. You'll never ride one again. Scientist smiled. She would never discover balance. No, she'd discover avoidance. Rabbit hole girl nodded. I wonder, she looked back at Scientist, how many bicycles we've taken away from ourselves because someone else fell. Scientist sat perfectly still. A long silence settled over booth number seven. Even the sounds of the cafe seemed to fade. Finally he spoke. Rabbiho girl. Yes I don't know the answer. Rabbiho girl smiled. I wasn't asking for one. I was hoping, she lifted her mug, that you would wonder with me. Scientist smiled back. My dear Rabbiho girl, as he raised his mug, that is definitely something I can do. Outside, the little girl climbed back onto the bicycle. This time she made it all the way across the parking lot. Scientist closed his notebook. Rabbaho girl finished the last sip of her coffee. Neither of them hurried to leave. Some questions didn't need immediate answers. Some questions simply needed room to breathe. Booth number seven had done its job today. Not by solving fear, but by teaching two friends and perhaps anyone quietly listening to ask better questions. mister Webster quietly closed. Scientist gathered his notebook. Rabbaho Girl smiled as she stood. Until next time, scientist until next time, Rabbaho Girl. They both left booth number seven exactly as they had found it, waiting patiently for another cup of coffee, another definition, and another question worth contemplating. Hey guys, I'm Dr. Jenny. If you are enjoying uh the other episode, feel free to send me a comment, let me know, share with a friend, a family member. And until next time, thanks for listening to The Chronicles of Contemplation.