Why You Feel Behind in Life | Sibling Comparison & Imposter Syndrome

SPEAKER_00: Good morning, everybody. Welcome back to the Spiritual Grind. SPEAKER_02: Good morning. SPEAKER_00: Oh, that sounds like Robin Williams almost. You forgot to be a nonpart. Good morning, everybody. Thank you, Beck, for tuning into us. Thank you for tuning back into us. Oh, I said that completely backwards. SPEAKER_02: That was a Willy Wonka moment. SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was. Back you, thank you for joining us. Something. Whatever I said. SPEAKER_02: And then nope. Stop. Reverse that. That's what he says. SPEAKER_00: Yeah. Reverse that. I said it wrong. Anyway. Well, uh, we are uh back and recovering from the expo in Dallas this last weekend. SPEAKER_02: I mean, recovering is kind of a harsh word. SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, not recovering pitches. I just mean like uh, I don't know, re-gearing back up for other things. SPEAKER_04: Yeah. SPEAKER_00: And uh getting trying to get things growing more and more and more. And thank you guys for uh hitting 43 countries now. 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SPEAKER_02: And uh and then you can I noticed I can make comments on my I listen through the Prime music thing or the Amazon music. And then I also have the Apple podcast do that too. SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Spotify. It's on every podcast. SPEAKER_02: You can make comments through those as well, and they'll come to us. So for sure. Any questions or comments or want to talk about a particular topic that's going on in your bubble. Bubble. SPEAKER_00: Just drop us a comment. SPEAKER_02: We'll help you the best way we can. SPEAKER_00: For sure. And uh we'll reach out to you and get detail on the topic you want to cover. SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because you know, sometimes, I mean, let's get real about it. Being spiritual beings, living this human journey can be challenging, man. It really can. Especially if you're hiding things from yourself or you've got things really covered up. I think that's one of the things that I've been experiencing the last couple of days is I was hiding a concept uh from myself. Uh, and coming back to Texas stirred that back up. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's my higher self and my my being that says, okay, we're gonna bring this up because it's garbage that's floating around that you don't need anymore. SPEAKER_03: Right. SPEAKER_02: And what it well, what the topic was for me, I don't know what topic you have in play, but it it's success. And how I'm defining that and who I'm using to idolize or symbolize that word. SPEAKER_00: Internal success. SPEAKER_02: And what I learned is that for me, that's my younger sister. I always viewed her as the the good child, the one that's successful, the one that always does everything right. My parents are always so proud of her, and I'm the black sheep who's outed and uh, you know, not doing things right. Right. Because I didn't go the journey in the path of like going to work for a company and working for them for years, yeah. And putting money back in the savings and having a big retirement fund and you know, the big giant house and well, what you're explaining, I think, is comparison, really. Well, yeah, I I'm comparing myself to her, but the the caveat to that is I'm doing it based on a story I created about her. I have no idea if any of those things I just said are even true about her. I don't know what her life looks like, right? I don't know what her journey looks like. I just created my own story and didn't validate it at all. And then I took and I used that individual as my totem to mimic for success. SPEAKER_00: So you it became a priority. SPEAKER_02: Success has a definition, but then for me it also has an individual that's representative of that success based on the story I created in my own head. SPEAKER_00: Yeah. SPEAKER_02: And you know And I didn't even realize I was doing it. SPEAKER_00: You know, we do that as humans a lot, not just with siblings, you know. Like back in the day I read a book called The Baking Order. And that book taught me a lot about how people how parents are and the psychology behind being the oldest, the youngest, the middle. SPEAKER_04: Right. SPEAKER_00: And how we have a we have a way that the the oldest and the middle, if there's more than two, uh they compare themselves because I think it's even if there's I mean Yeah, it could be many, yeah. SPEAKER_02: I you know, even if it's just more than two, I think even if there's just two, yeah, one always ends up comparing with the other and they they compare themselves. SPEAKER_00: Because it's taught, you know, like in the Becking Order the book, it talks about how parents use the first one to be all protective, and then they when they by they get to the last child, if it be the second or fourteenth, it doesn't matter, by that time they are just more proud that they have they don't have to worry about what they were what they did in the beginning, and so they become more proud, I guess, of their youngest. SPEAKER_02: And that youngest know that they become more proud or that that it just becomes uh it's kind of like being on the job, it's just more confident. SPEAKER_00: Yeah, probably. SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the things I worry about with my first child, I come to realize that I don't necessarily need to worry about that. If it works itself out, or it wasn't a necessary worry, and so then you don't put that in place for the for the next child. You just inadvertently raise them differently. SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, and then there's traits that you you obtain over how you're how you're raised. You know, there's personality traits that you carry along through your life, and like like for example, in the Becking Order book, it talks about how the eldest is always the one that's looking back and trying to be the perfect child. SPEAKER_04: Right. SPEAKER_00: And but you the but the middle child or the youngest child, it feels like that they're living in the shadows of the oldest the whole time. SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and now that I do know to be an accurate um description because you know, my sisters and I have had conversations about this. And um, in those conversations, they both have said, We feel like we've always we feel like you're the perfect child, and you were the one the parents liked best, and we always felt like we had to live up to whatever you do and did. And I'm like, wow, that is completely opposite of my perspective of it. SPEAKER_00: Yeah. And the the one of the parts of the book is is the oldest child always seems to get all the responsibility. Yeah. And then they carry that into their life and they carry this burden that they've got to have all these responsibilities and they've got to be in place, but yet they end up realizing that they don't, and so they it actually pendulums. SPEAKER_02: Yeah. I went through that as the oldest. I felt like it was my responsibility to take care of these two girls, especially coming from uh uh divorced parents. SPEAKER_01: Yeah. SPEAKER_02: And we ended up being raised by our father. I I guess inadvertently felt like it was my responsibility to take the mother and the wifely role. And so I ended up taking care of what I perceived as taking care of my two sisters and taking care of my father, so to speak, and carried that with me. And and I got to a place where I was like, you know what, fuck that. I ain't taking care of them. I'm not. This is not my job, it's not my responsibility. I ain't doing it. So I did. SPEAKER_00: I went through the shadow work of that and and letting go of all of that, um And then sometimes the pendulum never balances back out, and so like like for me, I'm a young I'm the youngest child. And so I spent all of my life. SPEAKER_02: Why do you act like such a baby? SPEAKER_00: Are you right? This is not to pick on James Day. I'm kidding. But the uh being the youngest child, I felt like I was living in the shadow of my eldest brother all the time. And then but uh but I on the other s on the other end of that still pendulumed the opposite way to where I got to where I wanted to be, everybody was shadowing me. SPEAKER_03: Yeah. SPEAKER_00: And it it it kind of drove me. SPEAKER_03: Right. SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, and then everybody always thinks siblings, the parents look at the youngest as they do no wrong. SPEAKER_03: Yeah. SPEAKER_00: And that's really what happens is they get to where they do no wrong because it's the last child, it's the last, you know, the last one that they have an opportunity to, you know, make on that that they're that they're perfect, and and so it becomes uh almost a dissension between the ranks. Uh-huh. And then we have a tendency, like in the book it talks about in our professional life, we have a tendency to actually mimic these in our careers and how we do things. And but here's the part of it that uh actually this is you brought up the topic I was gonna actually bring up, and and that is how do we compare ourselves to others and why do we do that? Right. And this is one of the one of the bad things that I have read over the years and in in uh studying like sales methods and those kind of things. Um and that's one of the things that I've always asked people, are you the youngest, you the oldest, what are you, your siblings? Right. Because I want to know how they're gonna be. Right. And we do that to ourselves subconsciously. SPEAKER_02: Absolutely. Yeah, that's what I was uh doing. And even though all of the in-depth work that I did around that over my lifetime, I come back to this place called Texas. Yeah. I haven't been here in 10 years. SPEAKER_00: Right. SPEAKER_02: And it revealed to me that I still had this little luggage where I subconsciously and didn't even realize I was doing it, still had this comparison thing going on with my younger sister. SPEAKER_00: Yeah. SPEAKER_02: And why the younger one, I don't know, but that's just the one I chose to use as the symbology of success. Right. And so every time I didn't do what she was doing or didn't have what she had, I was judging myself and saying, Oh, see, you're you're not successful. You're you are the rogue child of the family, the black sheep. SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because the oldest never gets a chance, they never get a chance to be a child. That's what that book says, is they end their childhood era always gets shortened. Yeah. Because like the parents will be like, Oh, hey, take this bear, you know, the baby bag for the baby to the house, or you know, and so the responsibility is different. And then you get the middle child or the the younger child, they're they're taught to be immature and irresponsibly, or they don't have to carry their own diaper bag or any of that stuff. And then the middle child just gets stuck in the middle. SPEAKER_01: Yeah. SPEAKER_00: And and because they're kind of ping-ponging back and forth, and generally the middle child is the one that kind of hovers in the quietness. They just kind of get their own little area and they kind of just stay out of the of the tension. SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I I think it's a little bit different when you come from what they call broken house or divorced family to It is a little different, I agree. Um, because I know that for my middle sister, she would she verbalized always feeling like she was kind of left out. SPEAKER_00: And uh That's what I mean by that's what I meant by the is they isolate themselves a lot. SPEAKER_02: Yeah. SPEAKER_00: And but they do it because they feel like they're in between and they're isolated and they're not they're left out of things a lot or they just they're they get no opinion on things either. SPEAKER_03: Right. Yeah. SPEAKER_00: And so they don't voice themselves. But in the world as humans, and and especially now that if you're going through an awakening process and you're trying to uh figure out why you do things and identify those beliefs within you, yeah. Knowing where you are in the Becking order and kind of reading, if you if you I mean you can find that book, it's a huge book. It was you know, it was a New York Times bestseller back in the like mid-90s. SPEAKER_01: Yeah. SPEAKER_00: It's still out there, I promise you. But what you'll discover is is you carry that into your subconscious behaviors when you're interact with the with normal people outside the world. SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely. I I agree. And you can either do it in a beneficial way or you can do it in a non-beneficial way. That's right. I think for me, it was the motivating factor. And so I think for me, uh it was necessary to have that totem of or that symbology of success um because it motivated me to strive to um be better than her. And so I accomplished things I may not have accomplished had I not had that. SPEAKER_00: There's a there was a phrase in that book that really rang a bell for me. SPEAKER_02: And so I am grateful. I'm grateful for the position that she held. It's just that I've now outgrown that and I don't need that extra nonsense running around. So I've been redefining the word success and the symbology of success for me because you know, the reality is for me, I wake up every day doing what I love and enjoy, that's success. Yeah, I uh even the parts that are not societally defined as pretty, they're still moments of success because they taught you whatever it was that you came to learn. Correct. And and so, even in uh like for me, I've been married before, but I at one point in my life was defining that as not a success or not even as a negative thing. Like I can't even make a marriage work, much less a career, much less a whatever. But as I come through it and look at it on the other side of the coin, those are even categorized as successful points because I did go through those challenging relationships. I survived them, I came out on the other side, educated, um, and recognized what they were there to teach me. Took the teachings and integrated them, and that's success. That's part of what I am bringing into my new definition of success as I get ready to close this chapter and get rid of that extra baggage of still holding her as the idolization of success equals this, which uh was a subconscious thing still hovering around. SPEAKER_00: So that there's a phrase in that book that really kind of resonated with me and it it really applies to this to uh this topic today. Yeah. And that is the oldest child expects the youngest child to be the opinionated one, the spoiled one, and then the youngest child expects the oldest child to be the responsible, the mature, the ones that are always supposed to be successful. And then the middle child normally will just remove themselves from the scene completely. SPEAKER_03: Yeah. SPEAKER_00: They they won't and they'll talk to both sides, but they don't tell the other side that they're talking to the other one. SPEAKER_03: Yeah. SPEAKER_00: And they just sort of like keeping the the energy of being a the middle sister there or middle brother there or whatever it is, the middle sibling. And the the crazy part about it is is most of the time in this book said that you know, like 22% of the time more, the younger child becomes more successful than the oldest child, not because of how they were raised, but because how they live their life comparing themselves to the image they have created of their oldest sibling. SPEAKER_03: Right. SPEAKER_00: And so they're trying to surpass that in the eyes of their parents or in the eyes of of everybody else, and including their siblings. SPEAKER_02: Yeah. And so you bring up the rabbit hole concept of of this whole paradigm, it can be beneficial because it usually is the motivating factor that pushes us along the trail. SPEAKER_00: For sure. SPEAKER_02: But it can hide, kind of lurk around in the shadows if you're not careful and turn into a point of unhealthy self-judgment. SPEAKER_00: Yeah. SPEAKER_02: If you're continuing to compare yourself to someone outside of you, and then judging yourself harshly and criticizing what you're doing, you can do what I did, which essentially was um I'm judging myself and what I've done through my life or what I'm doing currently up against an image that I created of another individual, and go into that kind of comparison. Well, I'm not successful because I don't have this, or I'm not successful because I didn't do this. SPEAKER_00: And that oh I got a quarter into every day. SPEAKER_02: More money in the show. And that's what's been revealed to me over the last couple of days as I do the cleanup in my own bubble. Yeah is that uh subconsciously I was still and what brought it about is is that I we're in town, so I reached out to my family that lives here and just told them, hey, I'm in town, I'm in the area if you want to get together and share a meal or whatever. And so we went to dinner, we had a very, very lovely uh dinner and great interaction, caught each other up on what's been going on in our bubbles, and uh I thought it was a very pleasant interaction. Oh, yeah, totally. I think it was. But subconsciously, what it did was is it brought to the surface for me what I was identifying as success and what I was using to symbolize that of me trying to meet this template that I had created and this placeholder called my sister that I use to visually identify the definition of success. Yes. And further come into the realization that, you know, it's been 10 years and I, you know, I don't I don't know how what her life truly looks like. Right. The story that I created, I don't know if there's any truth to that or not. I have no clue. All I know is it's a story that I created, and I didn't do the homework to validate if there's any part of that story that's true and accurate. And so I'm basically using a story that's a lie to gauge whether or not I'm successful up against a individual that I. kind of put in that idolized place of representation of the word success. SPEAKER_00: That you have no idea is even true or not. SPEAKER_02: I don't. Right. And so I um have been spending the last couple of days kind of cleaning that up. I don't really even know why it's necessary to have the word in our vocabulary of success. Right. Because every the rabbit hole concept of it is we come to have human experiences. And so as long as you're here having experiences, which you are, every single thing is everything is an experience. Even if you choose to sit in your house and not socialize and be a hermit, that still is an experience. SPEAKER_01: Right. SPEAKER_02: Then you're doing and completing the mission. SPEAKER_00: Yeah. SPEAKER_02: And that's success. SPEAKER_00: Agreed. SPEAKER_02: And so any and everything that you're experiencing, even if you feel like it was harder than other things or unfun or not beneficial, it wouldn't have been done by you if it wasn't part of the mission. SPEAKER_00: Correct. SPEAKER_02: And so therefore you are always successful because you're always completing your human mission. SPEAKER_00: Correct. SPEAKER_02: The there is no part of the human mission that's not part of the mission. SPEAKER_00: Right. SPEAKER_02: No matter what it looks like. SPEAKER_00: And no matter how you frame it in your sub of your in your conscious mind at all. It doesn't it doesn't matter. SPEAKER_02: It served a purpose somewhere along the way. SPEAKER_00: Right. And all it is is about being true to yourself. You know like uh because one of the topics that's in this book about is about authenticity. And I was kind of checking back in with it when I was in the shower this morning because I knew we were going to talk about this subject today in this topic. And the authenticity that people do. So here's the the trick that I found many years ago in this book that really kind of resonated with me. And that is authenticity is only judged by others. If you're authentic if you're authentic to yourself it really doesn't matter. But that's because that is an outside premise that's trying to help guide your your uh reality into a way to where you have to act like you have to act and do things that people expect you to do because of an opinion that another person has. SPEAKER_02: But even that the rabbit hole concept of that is is that even being in moments where you don't feel like you're being authentic they have teachings within them and if you weren't meant to go in that direction you would have never been inspired to go in that direction. SPEAKER_03: That's correct. SPEAKER_02: And you were inspired to go in that direction and creating a situation for yourself that made you I guess flow through the reality not authentic was because you knew subconsciously or the higher self knew that there would be some great learning and transformation from that. SPEAKER_00: So even that those moments of feeling like you're not being authentic they have learning within them that you wanted to experience that's part of the the journey of the siblings and that that interaction is it doesn't always have to be a sibling thing. SPEAKER_02: Right no no you can take any uh you can take any being and idolize them to the point where that's where I was going it's not beneficial anymore. It served its purpose you just gotta watch for the moment in time when it becomes not necessary and not beneficial. SPEAKER_00: And that's what I've been experiencing the last you know we've had a over the last few months there's been this big trend online about that apost that uh uh imposter syndrome and we had a pot we did a podcast about it. Yeah and I think where a lot of people don't get they get this all confused is about their authenticity meter. SPEAKER_03: Okay. SPEAKER_00: Because you get told all this life even when you're growing up and you know to kind of tie it all back together with the siblings is you know when you're the youngest you should be you you know you should be acting like you're your sister. You know you need to grow up. You know and so you become fake it till you make it and which in turn s removes your own inner tur inter thought of internal thought of authenticity. Or identity or who am I that's right it can confuses it identity because that's where in the book you're talking about this it talks about how the youngest is almost always that person that will be passive aggressive and change their identity around everybody rapidly. And it's the same and it's just the opposite of the other of the oldest the oldest almost always once they find their spot stays there. And so but then the with then the pendulum happens and then you end up going back to that spot to where whatever you did it happens. But what I'm getting to is is this imposter syndrome this rivalry things that have that we you know that we've been taught by uh the collective of you're comparing yourself constantly because you want to be better and you want to be successful and you want to do the things this person does when all reality it's all about the defection of success that you have which you just perfectly defined I I think that was a perfect definition of it because you were here to be successful and do human experiences. SPEAKER_04: Right. SPEAKER_00: We're not here to become Bobby Joe down the road because he's got a nice car. We're not here to be unless that's part of something that you want. SPEAKER_02: Right exactly or stay in your job for 155,000 years because you think that that's the definition of success unless it's comfortable for you to do what you want your life to be and it's a point of joy and enjoyment you know go back to using that emotional gauge. Yeah. And if you're enjoying that then stay where you're at for sure absolutely but if you're not then take that opportunity to check in with it and maybe look at your definition of success and see because that's weird. How am I defining this? And I came to the place over the last couple of days of do I even need that word success. Yeah I mean do I even do I do I personally even need that word to exist in my personal bubble to even warrant a definition because like I said every single journey that I've been on is a success because I went on it I did the mission and I learned and growed growed. Growed you growed I growed I learned and growed from it so that is a success to me. SPEAKER_00: And that's where a lot of people get this confused because success is measured by comparison. That's where people are doing it a lot of different things. Right but like I'm like I'm saying and the reason why I'm bringing this up is because when you look at something and you idolize that thing and you decide you want to become that thing you get taught by society to fake it till you make it put yourself in that idea in that I in in that image spot in the daydream that you're going to have that and work the steps and create a a workable plan that you can to create or and become whatever it is that your goal is. And that's where they measure most people define success is when they have created something set a goal set a goal and made it to it then they say all right that was a that was success. Right. But the problem is is because we're trained as robots when we go through the the school growing up and all that stuff nobody ever tells you what to do after that. And that's where the confusion of things where we continue the rest of our lives comparing ourselves to others. SPEAKER_04: Okay. SPEAKER_00: Do tell and so like for example uh you you have a well here's a great here's a great use me as an example no no not you I don't want to use I don't want to use you as an example because this one for me is much this topic we're we're I think we're working on two sides of the topic here and I want to keep it there. SPEAKER_01: Okay. SPEAKER_00: Um like I have a friend of mine that he always wanted to be a top guy in his company. SPEAKER_04: Okay. SPEAKER_00: And when he got there I asked him so what do you do now? And he had nothing to respond to. And I know I just happen to know his banking order and and stuff I know that he is the the m the the young child the youngest of the of his siblings and so when I asked him that he was completely lost. And so now he then he goes into well maybe I'll do this or maybe I'll do that because now he's at that point of success that he had defined that now he's lost and they get bored with what they're doing and blah blah blah blah blah blah. When you're when what you just said I think is the trick to not getting yourself into that spot where you're comparing you see your comparison comparing yourself to others more than you really should. SPEAKER_04: Yeah. SPEAKER_00: Because in the reality is you're here to have your journey not somebody else's right right and you're definitely not here to live up to anybody's expectations right because if you're here to do that you're gonna fail every time absolutely and and so you have to you have to fulfill your own stuff. But this topic of this book the becking the becking order for me was kind of educational subconscious training for me of make me to make me more understanding of what it is that I wanted in life. SPEAKER_02: After you reach the each success point or each goal where do you go from there? Yes I see. SPEAKER_00: And so when you when it comes to creating that comparison spot you know which is what creates imposter syndrome and because you get to where okay I want to go be my boss now but oh oh I can't act like him I can't be that person because that's not who I am. And so it causes that internal turmoil. And in the sibling order is where those things have a tendency to come from within the complete societal system. Everywhere you go like even when you first start you know when you're when the oldest of the sibling goes through kindergarten and the teacher just loves that one because they're the ones that's been given all the responsibility. SPEAKER_04: Right. SPEAKER_00: And so they act behaved they're under in control. And then when the youngest comes through that same teacher well you need to act like you're you need to act like you're you know that's the you you should be doing you know I had your brother your sister here and they didn't do this. SPEAKER_04: Right. SPEAKER_00: I used to get that all the time. SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah see yeah I I got it all the time and that's an area I never even thought about too yeah I wonder if my siblings experienced that um I'm sure they did. Because I just never even gave it a bit of a little thorn in your butt because I am the youngest. SPEAKER_00: Yeah and it irritates the far out of me when I get compared to my oldest brother. Really? SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah it's as the oldest it wasn't even something I thought about is how it looked for them to follow me in school because I still viewed myself even in school as you know the black sheep the troublemaker because I didn't really because when I was I've talked about this before when I was coming up through school we didn't we weren't stationary. We traveled a lot and so I feel like I kind of lived my school life in the shadows. I didn't really have a group that I fit in with and as as life uh unfolded and we got more stationary my siblings got the opportunity to have a more stationary life in their schooling but they still had to follow me and I I feel like I was kind of the troublemaker. So I don't know that they got compared to me in a good way. SPEAKER_00: You know which actually it whenever it happens the it gets carried down. So interesting this is 100% proven scientist scientifically in studies and everything else but no matter what it's been a hard journey in school. SPEAKER_02: They maybe they had an easy journey because maybe they got to be told wow you're so much better of a student than your sister was right that's what I would or I was going to mean me because I was quite a troublemaker in school because I was I I when when we got settled I was you know coming into my tween years and I was mad. I was angry and mad that life was unfolding the way it was for me and uh that I didn't really fit in anywhere. I was kind of going through that phase in my life where I saw all the kids that had grown up with each other in this town and you had the different little groups and cliques and none of them would let some outsider in very easily and so I didn't really fit in. SPEAKER_00: Right. SPEAKER_02: And so I was angry about that. And then of course you know not having both parents every kid I feel like goes through an angry stage in that concept that experiences parents divorcing uh so I was an angry there was a very big angry portion of me in my teenage years so I was it also says in that book that the oldest takes the oh I act out yeah um and I and so I probably wasn't the perfect student Yeah generally speaking with the oldest that gets all the responsibility when the when the parents separate or divorce they are the ones that generally will act out the biggest because now they're getting more responsibility and it just they don't get a chance to be who they are. SPEAKER_04: Yeah. SPEAKER_00: And but anyway so going to the other spot of that is understanding where you are in the becking order will actually explain to you how your parents treat you growing up through life and how others do. Because it just gives you education it because generally speaking the youngest are the ones that are egotistical which I've been called called egotistical all my life. Yeah they get called you know they get called not authentic I've been called that all of my life and I've and we also are the ones that are generally almost always trying to please everybody else. SPEAKER_02: Really? SPEAKER_00: Yes the youngest is almost because they want to be they want to continue to get that uh uh get made on from others just like their parents did because they're the youngest and so they go through life trying to get to the city they want to be doted on or whatever and so they oh you're so nice you're so good and understanding that is uh generally speaking you know you know something just a fun fact generally the youngest are the ones that are non-professional like they don't have a professional career according to the to the terms and they are the ones that will genuinely try to become something else that's in their older siblings but yet they all they will start it and not finish it. And then the oldest is generally the one that be is normally has the bigger family and but in your case it's much different because it it actually changes it because of your parents divorced. You know and then the oldest will have the bigger family and then the other siblings try to do constantly mimic them. Ah I see yeah and so it's yeah it but it does it does say in there that it's different when then the when the parents divorce. Yeah. But anyway so if you if you'll have an understanding of those things anybody does they'll they'll kind of get a better understanding of how they are in their life as well. Absolutely like to this point you know I I can almost tell every time I sit down with somebody and talk to them yeah what where they are in their becking order. SPEAKER_03: Yeah. SPEAKER_00: Because the oldest is generally have they have that calm demeanor they talk because they got given so much responsibility when they were younger they had to take care of their their younger siblings. Yeah. And so they became matured earlier and they learn to de-escalate things. Yeah absolutely the youngest never learn to de-escalate because generally they were the ones causing the problems that needed to be de-escalated. SPEAKER_03: Yes. SPEAKER_00: And so and when it creates a more passive aggressive life when they're older um they will be more backstabbing what everybody compares to be backstabbing. But they almost always have end up with a a long term career. The middle child they just get left out they're isolated they isolate themselves a lot they're they play the mediator between everybody else that's what they generally put themselves into. SPEAKER_02: But anyway so I I kind of I kind of took over the podcast a little bit you commented the whole sting I did of course well I mean just to bring it back around my uh my recommendation is to look at the word success and how are you defining it and who are you using as the symbolic placeholder of that. Right and the story that you've possibly created about that symbolic placeholder being accurate or not especially if you're gonna judge yourself and judge your journey based on that uh the most beneficial thing is to judge yourself from your own self use yourself as your own idol because every single thing that you do everything that you've done is a success because you came to this planet in your human meat suit to have experiences and have events happen and to experience those and then that's all a type of and a level of success so I would recommend strongly not to even use anybody outside of you to symbolize success and try to mimic right check in with yourself and redefine the word success or like I said I'm kind of at a place where I'm trying to decide is that word even necessary in my experience anymore or is it even necessary at this point to even use the word have a definition or use the word at all because I've kind of come to that place at this point that everything I've done excess is successful because it was it served a purpose. Yeah I agree it served a purpose of me becoming who I am where I am and what I'm doing today as identified by whatever the journey is that I'm following at the time. For sure so that means that every single bit of it is successful. SPEAKER_00: Yes I agree completely I feel good about this podcast I actually feel complete. Yeah you feel complete yeah I do hey guys I appreciate y'all listening uh don't forget to like follow and share um check out the website wthemircenters.org you can go on there hit the merck store and pick up some of that awesome merch that we have in there and uh uh keep an eye out for the event that we're gonna be putting together in DFW the live one in person yeah we're gonna do a live event uh we're gonna uh the subject is going to be metaphysical business based on beliefs so uh and how to grow your metaphysical business I see um and that's gonna be probably uh in the Ulyss area so or hearst I'm sorry in Hearst area I said that wrong um let's see here what else do we have to talk about Jindan Yoga don't forget to go check it out gindanyoga.net um you can uh follow Danielle and her teachings and Jenny's uh cooperate collaboration between the two uh Chinese meridian network and the traditional yoga yeah it's uh it's all put together it's all intertangled and it almost feels like it uh uh was supposed to be there from the beginning right almost like it's supposed to be there yeah because it does work right out it's a great little flow check it out gendan yoga.net uh sign up you can become a member there or you can check out the shorts on YouTube, TikTok, Facebook, it's on everywhere. Mm-hmm uh same thing as our stuff and don't forget to go follow lice uh Lucidiumworld.com and uh sign up for there and for and subscribe and that and sign up to be early bird practitioner or a user. Yep. 'Cause it's gonna be quite fun once we get it there. SPEAKER_02: Yep. Where it's It's still following its journey and being worked on and holding and we want it to function perfectly and so we're letting it take whatever time it needs to and Correct. SPEAKER_00: I totally agree. Anyway, um don't forget to like, follow, share, and ring that bell. Hey guys, we hope you all have an awesome day. SPEAKER_02: Love ya, go ahead and open your own.