Redefining Sexual Energy

Speaker 2: Good morning everybody. Welcome back to the Spiritual Grind. We are here today. We are existing in our energy of the day. Speaker 1: Good morning. Speaker 2: There's the doctor in the house. Can I get a doctor in the house ? We have a doctor in the house. She's waving out the window at everybody. Good morning everybody. We're glad you're listening to us and we appreciate it. We have hit some major milestones. Yeah, for sure where our website, the website's getting busier, our followers is getting more. I mean, it's quite nice yeah, thank you all for listening and we really do appreciate you. And once we get to a thousand actually, actually I'm going to throw it out there Once we get to 2,000 subscribers, we'll do something crazy on the podcast. Speaker 1: Yeah, new thing that is out there and available is you created my blogger account. Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, dr Jenny's on blogger, and then we have our website blog as well and in the process of creating the newsletter, I started doing that yesterday a little bit yeah , so you can find all of the rabbit hole articles that I sit around and create, if you want the newsletter, go to wwwthemerccentersorg and subscribe, and I'll have that mailer list out. or you can do it on the salty tarot app store as well. Um, at at the salty tarot dot my Shopifycom, and subscribe there and it'll all get there. Everybody will. That all goes to the same mailer address for me, so I'll be able to send out a list. Speaker 1: And what about the blogger? How do you get to that? Speaker 2: The blogger is uh well, it goes on numerous sites, so it's on all the blog sites. Speaker 1: Well, I mean, how do they find it? Speaker 2: Well, you can Google search, Use the name and it'll pop up Dr Jenny Emery. Speaker 1: The blog will. It'll pop up like the third one down on the list, or you can go to bloggercom. It wasn't for me. That's why I'm asking. You can go to bloggercom as well and look for what. Speaker 2: For To the Edge and Back with Dr Jenny. Speaker 1: To the Edge and Back. Yeah, look for that title. Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the title of your podcast or, I'm sorry, of your blog on there. Okay, the title of your podcast is the Spiritual Ground. You'll see it all linked together. I put it in the description your podcast and all that stuff. Speaker 1: I see. Speaker 2: But anyway. Speaker 1: There's a couple articles on there. I'm going to post a new one. Speaker 2: Yep, our app is in process and we are so, so excited about it. Speaker 1: Absolutely. Speaker 2: Yeah, we have hired a company and man. Are they making great progress? Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: Literally in two days . They had a complete proof of concept and they showed us on video. We have another meeting tomorrow. We're doing meetings every other day with them, so it's going to be fun and the goal is to have it out for you guys by October 31st. Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, and this might be a good opportunity to plug them a little bit, because we've had a really good experience with them, do you? Speaker 2: agree, yes, and so we went down all this road. I actually plan on putting out a YouTube video about this. I went down all these roads trying to create our app and come to find out that all these little non-coding places and all that stuff, they just don't work. And all that stuff, they just don't work. If you have any kind of intricacy into your app or detail into your app, specifically animations, they don't support them. Speaker 1: Well, and it just depends on what kind of app you're creating. I wouldn't go as far as to say they don't work, right? They? Speaker 2: didn't work for us, because our app is…. I mean they're great business models, like if you're going to do like a… app is. I mean they're. They're great business models, like if you're going to do like uh, um, like we could do our business, our merc center website, on one of those apps and it would be just fine. Yeah, it depends on what your goal is yeah, and what you're creating, I think. But if you're creating any kind of an intricate app. You know, it was a quite a roller coaster ride for me. I was going through all these places that held these promises, and the reason why I say that is because when I went to searching for um non-coding ways that I could create my own app because this is this is be real I heard stories that apps are really expensive to create, and so I started looking for ways to create one that was cheaper and found out that those those places just didn't work. They didn't work for us, and they made all these promises and that's the reason why I'm calling them out is because all these promises oh, yes, you can Like there are certain ones out there that you can't even put them in the Play Store or the App Store, and so don't go down because I spent like I'm not going to call them out. Yeah, I'm not going to call them out, I'm not going to call them out. Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not going to call them out. I think what we're sharing is do your homework. Speaker 2: Yeah. Speaker 1: And really research it to see. Speaker 2: So kind of the guidelines that I found out for you. So you guys know, if you want to create your own app is, if you have more than a six-step process, it's not going to work. You have to go to a coder, and so if there's anything that involves six steps or more, then you're it's not going to work and so, especially if you don't want to have to do it over right ? Speaker 1: yeah, because I did it twice, three times you know if, if you're not one who wants to put something out quickly and just get something going and knowing down the road that you're going to have to invest more time and money in doing it over because you're in your mind thinking, okay, well, this basic concept will get me started and then I'll grow that from there and build on it. Yeah, those apps like you're talking about don't allow you to do that they don't allow you to do that. You'll find yourself at a place where you basically have to start over. Speaker 2: You end up hiring a coding company anyway Because, like one of the places that I created an app on, found out that they had a limit of 1,000 subscribers. Right and so if you have more than 1,000 people, which is a minute amount of subscribers, and you can only have 2000 downloads. Speaker 1: Right. Speaker 2: And so I mean that's a minute amount. In any app store, even non-performing apps, will you know, have 25 to 40,000 downloads. Speaker 1: Right. Speaker 2: Because it's international, you know it's so it's like I just don't understand. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: So just you know, do your homework and pay attention to what you're doing and if you have any intricacy that's six steps or more then realize that you're going to have to go to a coding company. Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think that's one of our joys is when we do experience something new, putting it in a step-by-step process that helps educate others, and so that's what's caused you to kind of want to do a youtube video or whatever platform but anyway, we have hired a company called vacancy with a, b as in boy um, thousands and thousands of apps they have out. Speaker 2: They have over 3 000 positive reviews online and, and man, what it's been a great experience so far it really has, it really has I mean they, they have some kind of progress every single day and they give you a free project manager with it. When you pay for the, you're really only paying for the coding, because the reality is is they're working to be able to have the maintenance contract in it and that's really they understand. Without apps, they have no maintenance contracts, and so they tried, they developed the app at a little cheaper rate and and they want the maintenance contract and even though the contract that we sign has doesn't has no guarantee that we'll give them that contract right, exactly, and I mean you know you'll have to get your own quote yeah it seemed very reasonably, I think, from our perspective, having gotten bids. So to speak on other companies. Speaker 1: They proved to be for us in our situation very cost friendly and we liked that and. And then their production thus far has been. Speaker 2: But anyway, are you ready for today's topic? I am, oh yeah, you can look them up at vacancycom, by the way. B-a-c-a-n-c-y. Yeah, b with a vacancy, with a boy at the front, b. Speaker 1: Vacancy B as in boy. Speaker 2: B as in boy. Yes, all right. So we're going to have a little bit of a different conversation today. Speaker 1: Okay, are you ready for it? I am ready. Speaker 2: So today's conversation is about what's a good way to start this conversation. We, as humans, are raised with belief systems and we're taught things. Speaker 1: Absolutely. Speaker 2: And until it gets exposed to you that how you're thinking is not the proper way, then you can go through your life creating beliefs off of that bad belief and then it just gets layered into that onion. But what I'm specifically talking about today is sexual beliefs. You know, and I'll give you the prime example um, most women are taught that they have to take care of their man. Um, what I mean is I don't know , and y'all listening can look it up. You look up empty balls, full stomach, and how many tiktoks come up, how many instagrams come up, and and so we're gonna, we're gonna complete, do the gamut today of this conversation from beginning to the end, because it is a societal top belief, that is, the wife responsibility to take care of the man or the man's responsibility to take care of the woman yeah, I was gonna say, if I can step in, because I am no stranger to this, um, you know, this came up because it came up for me and essentially what happened is I thought I had cleared the beliefs and I did at some layer, but there was some underlying stuff that you'll touch on. Speaker 1: I was raised in the societal concept of okay, so I go, I be, I become a wife and it is my wifely duty, and people that are our age will understand it a little bit better than I think. The uh younger generation. Speaker 2: Younger generation actually, I think it is. It's actually kind of strong in the younger generation. But the the confusion comes with can I finish? Whose responsibilities? Who yes? Speaker 1: so as a wife, I carried around for many years that my wifely duty was to take care of the children, clean the house and please my man, please my man, his sexual needs, and those were all logged and categorized as chores. Yes, whether I had a job or whether I didn't, and I have always had a job, so those were additional chores, basically, that I had in addition to having a job. Right, but they were chores I took on because I saw and watched my family dynamic go on and so because there's no book that you get given, Well, not just your family dynamic, it's taught on the TV too. Right, I was getting there. Speaker 2: Yeah. Speaker 1: I was given no book by the family that said, okay, here, this is what wife means and this is what it looks like. So I would watch things like Leave it to Beaver growing up. The family that said, okay, here, this is what wife means and this is what it looks like. So I would watch things like leave it to beaver growing up and I always call it the june cleaver syndrome yeah, we talk about it all the time we do and you know, june's at home, she's got her little apron on. She's tending to be even all of his shenanigans. She's making the cookies. Then they all come home and they have supper that june has made. They sit down, they have supper . You watch all that on tv, yep, and because you don't get given a book that says, okay, this is what it looks like. If you're not taught by your own family a healthy way, then you're going to take those snippets from TV and say, okay, well, I guess this is what it looks like to be a wife. Speaker 2: Yes, yep. Then as you watch your family dynamic you're and you yearn to have that dynamic. That's right. Speaker 1: You think, okay, that's what perfect life looks like, that's what the American dream looks like. Hey, that's what perfect life looks like, that's what the American dream looks like. And then you take snippets from what your grandmother does, what your parents do, whoever, whoever your heroes or mentors are, and you take all of that and you mold it into this perspective of what you think that character is defined as. And then as you age for me, as I got older, I was like I don't like that part of it, so I'm going to modify that. I don't like that part of it, I'm going to modify it. And as I went through different relationships and then I came to you and we've talked about this, I'm almost done you gave me permission not to have to do dishes, not to have to cook not to have to clean if I didn't want to, and it kind of spun see it, kind of it put me in a tailspin for a minute. As a wife definition, I was like what the f is going on, like what do I what? What is that? What am I supposed? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do now? Yeah, as the wife, am I supposed to sit here and eat bonbons? Look pretty like what am I supposed? To do so anyway. That's how we got kind of to this topic for ourselves is I'm working through some layers of it. Speaker 2: You know I'm going to take a line from my grandpa. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: My grandpa once said that it's nobody's responsibility to take care of me other than me Absolutely, and I took that to heart. And on the other side of that is, you know, I come from a double working household, I guess growing up and I had to learn to cook on my own and do my own laundry and take care of myself, basically because I was a latchkey kid. Speaker 1: Right, I think a lot of us were in that generation, in our generation, because I did as well Yep, you know. Speaker 2: But anyway, what it does is it confuses the dynamic Absolutely, Like when I went to you and I want to back up just a hair. You know, in today's world we hear a lot that you know, chivalry is dead and those kind of things. And chivalry comes from inside. It is not an expectation. It is nobody's job to take care of you. It is nobody's job to take care of anybody else. It is their job to take care of you. It is nobody's job to take care of anybody else. It is their job to take care of themselves and it's my job to take care of me, no matter what topic that is right granted, dr jenny doesn't open a door. She hasn't touched the doorknob in a very, very long time, because I open all her doors, but I choose to do it. She doesn't expect me to do it, she doesn't want me to do it. She gets in trouble when me to do it. She gets in trouble when she does do it, but she also does not ever ever. Speaker 1: It's not like I get a spanking or anything, right. He'll make little comments like does your hand hurt? Right, we make fun of it. Speaker 2: But the whole purpose behind it is it's a choice that I make. Person behind it is it's a choice that I make, and what brings us to this topic is how that dynamic is confusing in a lot of different perspectives, not just in the duties. And so you know I'm going to say this it is nobody's responsibility to take care of you. Listeners, if you're listening. It is nobody's job to take care of you. It is your job to take care of yourself. When you have two people that come together in a relationship and they merge, it is an agreement for two people to live their individual lives together . Speaker 1: Right. Speaker 2: And then you come together and you manifest. But to be specific about the topic of this podcast, it's about sex. Speaker 1: Right Sexual energy. This podcast, yeah, it's about sex, right sexual energy. We've been kind of putting in different levels of sex along the way as we talk about this taboo topic. Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a taboo topic, for nobody wants to talk about sex well, through the discovery of multiple things, we have discovered that there are some things that have, within that confused dynamic, they get confused in in people's minds. Speaker 1: One of those things is and it was confused. I had it get confused in people's minds. One of those things is direction . I had it confused, and so that's why I wanted to bring the topic back up, because if there's other people out there that were doing what I just went through, it would definitely cause them to experience what I experienced, which was I thought that I had cleared the beliefs, I thought that I had gotten all of that cleaned up and redefined, but it kept popping up in my reality and I'm like what the F? Why does this keep popping up? I thought I got all that so that I would dig around some more, dig around some more, and you finally brought it. By perfect timing, and through a little bit of blood, sweat and tears because shadow work is not always a day at the spa we finally got to the underlying core of it. Right, are you ready for me to go there? Not yet, okay. Speaker 2: So to clarify a couple of things is, first of all, when I say it's not your job, it's not, it's not anybody's job to take care of you, and that is sexually as well. Speaker 1: Right. Speaker 2: And so you know it's kind of taboo to talk about it, but when boys are growing up and girls are growing up, and when they come to maturity and we have hormones that go off, they masturbate. Why do they masturbate? they masturbate to learn themselves yeah and I'm going to talk about this, and maybe we'll have to make this an explicit podcast where they have to be over 18 to listen to it. But I think all even kids, you know, if they have hit puberty need to hear this, because it is okay to create a safe spot in your mind around masturbation and your own self-discovery, because if you can't take care of you, you're not going to take care of anybody else and that includes in the sexual self-discovery area as well. Yes. Speaker 1: If you don't know what you like which I spent many years not knowing what I liked because I didn't give myself that space to explore Right Then I can't communicate to you sexually what does feel good and what doesn't, because I don't know. Speaker 2: Right, good, and what doesn't, because I have, no, I don't know right. And when you, when you've lived your entire life with the societal, taught or parental belief that you carry on that it's a chore, then there is no pleasure in it, because procreation and sex is for pleasure or procreating, that is it right. So when I had sex boxed up in this little box of chores, it looks like this gives it no space to become anything pleasurable or, like I, there was no room left for it to be a pleasure thing right, and so many years ago, you know, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna back up just a minute here because I remember when I was coming through my hormonal changes and I hit puberty, I was made fun of . You know, I used to hear it You're going to grow green hair in the palm of your hand. You know, it used to be the ongoing joke. Speaker 1: But what I realized was is it's actually kind of ownership, because when you put yourself in that spot, you're creating a safe spot in your mind of making sure that you're taken care of I know one of the things that I would hear when that commentary would happen like between my aunts and uncles or just in the family dynamic is comments like it'll make you wet the bed oh yeah, so same kind of premise yeah yeah, and it really is, and it's kind of it's it's. Speaker 2: What's bad is is they didn't realize what they were doing, right? Um, because that era changed. You know, even when my parents were younger, it was the june cleaver time, right, and then, before I get out of high school, it became a two-income household that's right, and they certainly never talked about sex no, they. You know well, my dad did my no , I mean June Cleaver. Oh yeah, no, totally not. It was faux pas and against the Bible, and blah, blah, blah blah. That's right. Speaker 1: That's what happens behind closed doors, in the privacy of your own home, and you don't talk about it, right? Otherwise you're considered one of those rogue humans. That's off the chain. Speaker 2: And so when you don't get to practice your own sexual energy, it also confuses something else ooh do tell it puts everything out of order. So let me explain, like the example you brought up. You made a comment that I can guys go ahead. Speaker 1: Yeah, so basically what was happening with me is when I got into high school even in middle school I was provided this big set of boobs that grew without me doing anything. Speaker 2: You had what. Speaker 1: I was this very athletic, build, slim body, but I had these huge double D boobs in middle school. Knockers yeah, and I noticed that I was getting a lot of notice. Speaker 2: Yeah, noticed. Speaker 1: Because of my boobs, and that was the focal point of the male population. Speaker 2: Yeah. Speaker 1: And I didn't really know what to do about it. Speaker 2: How did you take it when the boys approached you? You thought what? Speaker 1: I thought that they wanted to have sex with me. Speaker 2: Okay, and why did you think that? Speaker 1: Well, are you ready for me to tell my beginning to end perception. Speaker 2: No, you don't have to . Speaker 1: No, I don't have a problem, I was waiting for you to tell me when to do it. Speaker 2: I mean, you don't have to air your dirty laundry if you don't want. Oh no, I don't care, Okay. Speaker 1: So this is how I perceived it. I said to myself okay, okay, my big boobs are causing this individual male to be attracted and aroused by what he visually sees, and that arousal then creates sexual energy, which then culminates in having sex if both parties agree to do so, if both parties agree to do so. Now the sideline part of that was that if I said no, I then was called a tease or whatever, because I had these boobs and they were looking at them and I wasn't sharing them. So now, all of a sudden, I'm a tease and in my generation growing up. I'm a tease and in my generation , growing up, being a tease was just as bad as being a slut, right, right. So if I go have sex with them, I'm a slut, if I don't, and I have these big knockers that I didn't ask for. It's not like I went to the mcdonald's window and said give me giant knockers at this age can you biggie size those? Then I decide I don't want to share because in middle school sex was the farthest thing from my mind. I was still playing with fucking barbies, right? Then I'm like no, I'm not having sex with you just because you like my boobs. Then I was called oh well, you're just a tease, then You're just a prick tease, or whatever , and that confused me then as well. Speaker 2: Well, you've got a couple of confusing parts there. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: And so you were logging that these boys were looking at you creating and them looking at you was creating an energy of sex. Speaker 1: Yeah right, and you livingly reminded me of einstein's m is what is the m equals m e equals mc squared yeah yeah, energy cannot be created or destroyed that's right. Speaker 2: It cannot be created, yeah, and so it can be multiplied. It can be, you know, not really multiplied, it can be intensified intensified right. Intensified right and so the point I reminded her of was this , and this is what every person needs to hear A guy does not go out, he won't even notice any woman. You hear all these faux pas out there that men are visual and women are emotional. And that is right. That is 100% correct. That's how they intensify their energy. And that is right. That is 100% correct. That's how they intensify their energy. But they won't even be looking or experiencing unless the energy is already there. Speaker 1: Yeah, that was probably the epiphanal statement when we were working through this with me the other day. Is that rung my bell? Because I'm like, oh my God, he's right, the energy's already got to be there. As with any topic. That's right or the other stuff is nonexistent and doesn't matter. Speaker 2: He's going to be more focused on doing whatever his teenage boy friends are doing, right, and they're going to whatever party they're doing Like. No man goes out on a Friday night to get drunk and find a woman at the bar unless he's already got the sexual energy built up. Same thing with women. Speaker 1: Women do the same thing yeah they don't go out unless the sexual energy is there yeah, and I so as I was working through it, I went back to my high school days and I did coordinate that I had uh male friends in our little group that we hung out with. One was uh gay and so he was just a very good friend. There was no sexual energy towards me, so he didn't focus on the boobs or do any of that right. And then we had a heterosexual male part of the group and he didn't look at either of us females in that way. It was more brotherly type love, and that means the sexual energy, wasn't there and so the sexual energy was not there, and so that topic never came up. And so you're completely right and it rang my bell, man and these teenage girls. Speaker 2: And this happens a lot because boys, they say, develop before girls. And I don't know about the cross-gender stuff, I don't know how those are developing because I'm not experienced in it, but I can tell you that when it comes to the boys and the girls, the boys develop earlier. The boys develop earlier, and what I mean by that is the majority of the time they hit puberty before the women do, before girls do, which confuses the dynamic greatly. Speaker 1: Especially when the collective information is that females hit puberty before men do, before the boys do. Speaker 2: Well, they say women will mature mentally, mentally which, when your friends are engaged in sex because you know nobody does it at the same. Break guys, nobody. This is not a cookie cutter thing and there is no handbook that comes with you when you're born right and so when you have friends that are engaged in sexual activity and you're maturing, it becomes very easy to get caught up in that fact of oh, I want to do that. Speaker 1: Well, and even if you don't want to do it, I can remember there being peer pressure. Speaker 2: Oh yeah, oh, you haven't had sex yet. Speaker 1: Wow, you're weird. You're a virgin still. Speaker 2: In our era it was rare. Nowadays it's a lot more common . And hey, more power to you guys , whatever you want to do, but just remember, do not make sex and sexual energy. Don't put it on the back burner and keep it in there, because your sexual energy is not only about sex, it's about procreating, it's about pleasure and it's also the greatest manifesting energy that you have . Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: That energy creates life Right, and when you can learn to intensify that energy on your own. What I mean and I don't mean, I'm not just talking about masturbation- Right. I'm talking about learning to control your own energy sexual energy and putting it in the direction that you want to use it in. Speaker 1: You mean in other areas of the life pie. Speaker 2: Right, you know, when I was younger my sexual energy was very big and I cheated on wives and girlfriends and I did stupid things, and I admit that it's not a big deal to me, you know, to them, everybody else it probably was, but that's because I had not mastered the control of my sexual energy and what I do with it. Because I too, just like you, weren't taught one thing. The guys aren't taught either. We don't know what to do with it right, yeah, you've got this. Speaker 1: Uh, what's that firework where it spits little balls out? The end of it Roman candles. Roman candle. You've got this lit Roman candle going off by itself and you don't know what the hell to do with it. Speaker 2: Right, you know, I remember waking up the first time with an erection and saying what the and it hurt. Speaker 1: What, the what. Speaker 2: What is this? And you flick it and it don't go away or whatever, but anyway. So we're not taught either, and so you have to understand that energy is there to be exercised and used. Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think one of the other misnomers was when I was growing up is as females, I thought the guy knew what he was doing and so I relied on them for knowledge and expertise the first time I did have sex, because I sure the hell didn't know, and so I thought that since he was coming to me wanting to have sex, that he was experienced and knew what the hell to do. Yeah, and so I relied on that. Um, no, we're guessing their component of that is for me. What got tangled up in that was this statement right here of the guy trying to convince me to have sex for the first time. He said, said oh, I will love you, I promise. Speaker 2: I'll love you forever . Speaker 1: If we can just do this thing, I'll take care of you, I'll keep you safe and I'll love you. And then, right at that moment, love, equaling sex, equaling safety and security got all twisted and tangled together so then, I spent the rest of my younger days thinking that sex equaled love right, and here's a good example I want to throw out there to people. Speaker 2: You know how many people in your life can you stop and think about that? You viewed and think about that . You viewed, as you know, back when we were younger sluts, those kind of things. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: Or hookers or whores or whatever. You know that girl's just a whore. Speaker 1: She sleeps with everybody Right. Speaker 2: But those women turn out to be very, very successful. Why? Because they have learned to manipulate their energy. And when you can take your energy and learn to manipulate it for yourself, not worried about anybody else and not worried about the societal beliefs behind it, you'll learn that the energy manipulation is. You're not creating it, You're just intensifying it and aiming it in when you meet. Speaker 1: When you mean aiming it, you're not necessarily saying aiming it towards the male or female that you want to have a relationship with you're you're meaning aiming it towards your career? Your career towards your financial situation. Speaker 2: What was that movie with that girl who crossed her legs? Indecent? Oh, the famous movie Anyway, where women back then got magnified in the movies that they're sleeping their way to the top. Speaker 1: Oh, I don't remember. I think it was Indecent Proposal or something like that, if I remember right. Speaker 2: I don't remember, but yeah, I think it was Indecent Proposal or something like that, if I remember right. But the point I'm bringing ahead is those women learned to manipulate and control their energy by practicing, using it in the right way, in the right direction and so like when we were maturing and starting out in business in the 90s. These women that are getting accused of sleeping their way to the top and all this stuff, well, first of all, that's a very sexist remark. Second of all is because they're using their sexual energy. I'm not saying that they are actually sleeping with them. They're making people think they will sleep with them using their sexual energy, or they're using their sexual energy to manifest their intelligence into their growth, and controlling and using that energy is one of the biggest manifestors that we can have well and even get into a place where you embrace having the energy, yeah, and that being okay understanding it and feeling it aside from the societal. Speaker 1: You know, if I wear a low-cut shirt, not being concerned about being viewed as slutty or inappropriate, and I'm going to go in this dark place cut shirt and somebody approaches me inappropriately, it is not my fault. No, because I chose to dress that way. That's just a person that doesn't know how to me practicing, embracing, that I have sexual energy and it's okay yeah, it's okay, yeah, it's a safe place. But if you've got a societally taught thing. That it's that you got to cover your body and it's not okay to do that, then you'll never embrace that sexual energy fully . And let it be what it is. Speaker 2: That's right. You've got to let it be what it is. That's where I have been really really, and and when you do things that that is sexual energy based, no matter what it is like you, you get a great, give a great example. You're feeling sexy today. You get a little sexual energy going on, so you're wearing a little miniskirt and a low-cut top and you're going to walk around and let people wish they had you for the day yeah but it makes you feel safe inside because you're controlling it right, but getting to that point , Speaker 1: yeah, that's the point I will do that on occasion , not often enough. Now that I am aware of what's going on, I will practice letting that energy live inside of me. Right, but and until the other day's conversation, I would do that, but there would still be this uncomfortable thread about doing it, and you can witness that. I will do that, but then I'll take a jacket and tie it around my waist. Speaker 2: Yeah, right, yeah, I've seen it all the time. Speaker 1: Or I'll put on a tank top, but I'll put two on and pull it up over my cleavage, yeah. Or, you know, I'll say things like I really would like to go without a bra today, but then I kind of walk hunched over subconsciously. Speaker 2: Yeah, you do that a lot. Speaker 1: And it's me subconsciously trying to de-accentuate my boobs, and I do that even when I wear a bra, and you'll catch me and remind me most of the time of you know stand-ups. Speaker 2: You even bought that thing that makes you stand up straight. Speaker 1: Yeah, and I don't even wear it anymore. Stand up straight, mind your posture, but hide in your boobs, right? Speaker 2: Stand up straight, mind your posture, but hide in your boobs. Right, you know, I think the main one of the things that we should continue to talk about in this is when you understand what the sexual energy feels like within you and understand it's not your responsibility to you know, to take care of somebody else's sexual energy, unless you choose to. Speaker 1: Or their perspective, or their perspective, or their perspective. Speaker 2: That's right. It's all about you. And it's okay to make this life about you. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: Because I promise you you don't have to self-sacrifice or surrender your own beliefs to find a good person, like I did it for years. You did it for years, we've all done it, but you don't have to do that and you will find somebody that matches your beliefs, as long as you stay true to yourself. Yeah, and I bring up a tv show that popped in my mind earlier and in this conversation, and that is sex in the city. Do you remember that show? Speaker 1: I do vaguely. I didn't watch it, probably because of the title you know there's. I remember when that show first came out it got so chastised by the religious groups and because here you have four women . Speaker 2: Yeah that, first of all, none of them were married. Yeah, they were openly dating. They were living the life of a single male, which was okay and talking about talking about it openly. Speaker 1: Exactly. Speaker 2: And that is how you control your sexual energy. And they both were all four were all very successful in their jobs. They were very secure in themselves. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: And so I will tell you all this that when you can learn to understand your sexual energy, feel your sexual energy, manipulate it and anticipate it on your own, Talk about it. Talk about it, get comfortable with it, let it on your own. Talk about it. Talk about it, get comfortable with it, let it have space to live within you in a confident way sarah jessica perker. That's when you can become sarah jessica perker yeah, you know she's just released a new show and she's the same person in that show and it's great to see. Yeah, it is great to see. Speaker 1: Yeah, it is great to see, absolutely Because you're right. Speaker 2: You know, until the conversation it also revealed to me a few things, and historically in my life, of why things happen the way they did in my past with women, and because they too were just not understanding of the energy that was going on and I wasn't completely understanding it Right, right, and I wasn't completely understanding it Right. And so when it came to the point in my life that I got I would call it mastery of my sexual energy because I do feel like I kind of mastered that part of my life I stopped being stupid and so like doing stupid things, going out on Friday night and chasing women, you know there's there comes a point when it's okay, as long as you do it for the right reason yeah, it changes, it changes it changes your perspective. It changes how you look at everything, yeah, and understanding that that sexual energy is the manifester, one of the one of the strongest manifestors in your life absolutely. Speaker 1: I mean any of the energy books or the tantra books or any of that. They talk about the same thing, right? I just didn't for me personally . I didn't have it wired quite right and I didn't understand it there's a lot of people out there that don't I. I can tell you that feeling arousal or feeling sexual energy I can't necessarily always pick up on that frequency because I never gave it space to live inside my body and the space you did give it was very limited was. Speaker 2: I'm gonna go make my little safe place over here. I'm gonna go there make a safe place instead of making the sexual energy the safe place right you created a place where you could go enjoy in privacy, and I'm not just talking about masturbation. Speaker 1: Even when you have that energy, you'll do that a lot but even like dressing in a manner that I want to dress. Yeah, wearing my short skirts and stuff. Yeah, when you and I met and you then were my safety zone. I would dress that way more comfortably, because I felt safe as long as you were by me. Speaker 2: Now if. Speaker 1: I was going to town by myself. I would not dress that way, because even in high school, when I was approached about having nice boobs by some crazy boy that didn't even know what to do with his own sexual energy , it made me uncomfortable, and so I didn't know how to navigate those experiences by saying you know what john shut up get out of my face. You're stupid, little johnny and I didn't want the confrontation , and so, therefore, I would dumb me down sexually by not dressing that way, by walking hunched over trying to hide them or whatever those compensations were, so that I wouldn't have to be called a tease because, you know, bobby asked me if I would have sex with him because he really likes my boobs, and I say no, and then he oh, you're just a prick tease. I didn't want those confrontations. So then when you and I met, I knew that you had my back, you were my safety net, and so then I would dress that way because I wanted to embrace that a little more fully. But if you weren't around and I had to go, you know, to town by myself or something, it was right back to the librarian clothing well that you know speak, or the hunched over posture, or whatever yeah, then wow um so this is a long one, guys. Speaker 2: Yeah, this is, yeah, this is wow detail so you know the sexual energy within it's get this topic in. A lot of people is confused and so when you have sexual energy, understand this is it is okay, embrace it, own it, love it, let it be what it is. That don't mean you have to act upon anything. Speaker 1: Don't mean you have to do anything Exactly. Speaker 2: Just feel it, yeah, and enjoy it, because it is a good feeling. Speaker 1: Yeah, and I may have to put this in two parts. Speaker 2: Yeah, probably will. Speaker 1: Because I don't want to shorten it if we still have stuff to talk about. Speaker 2: And the number two thing that I want to talk about is understand that sexual energy is not created by what you see. It's not created by what you feel, if you're empathic, or the words that come out of anybody's mouth. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: And love is not attached to sex either. Ooh. Speaker 1: So the visual what you're saying is the visual component of seeing something that's attractive is accentuating the energy that was already there. Speaker 2: Yes. Speaker 1: I see it's not the creator of the energy Right. It's not the creator of the energy, it's the intensifier of it Right. Speaker 2: You wouldn't even be looking if you didn't have the energy. I see they wouldn't be looking if they didn't have the energy. Speaker 1: I got it. Speaker 2: And you know like I want to go back on what you talked about. It happened to you in high school because I think this is a topic of this that needs to be understood as well, because it's tied in with this topic, and I will tell you that love is not controlled nor manifested by sex . Speaker 1: It is a good topic. It's steep. Speaker 2: Yeah, this topic of, like you said, I'll love you forever if you'll have sex with me. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: And the reality is this love is not created from sex. Speaker 1: Right. Speaker 2: Love is a feeling that you have when you make a commitment to somebody. It's deep inside you. If you can close your eyes and imagine yourself without that person, then you don't love them . Speaker 1: And you've got a very strong point, because and I'm going to bring this weird comparison up you and people are going to combat me about it but I am the doctor, so and I do go to weird places. Yeah, if sex equaled love, well , so you have children and you have a love for them, but you're not going to have sex with them , right? So, oh, but that's a different kind of love, you're right. Speaker 2: It is, but love is still love, it still holds a frequency, that's right, it still has a frequency. Speaker 1: It doesn't matter if it's a love for child, a love for a spouse, a love for a partner, a love of a game. Speaker 2: love is love right and you don't love everybody you ever slept with nobody loves everybody. They've ever slept with no exactly and and if, if you are taught that as a growing up person, need to understand. You know because cause I see this, I see this in relationship counseling and I see this in other things that the woman gets confused because they are emotional and so they, when they put themselves into an intimate place and they give away what they feel is their security, to allow this person, they're giving up an emotion. Now let's talk about that. If they would go back and understand that controlling the sexual energy and being okay with that sexual energy doesn't have to have an emotional attachment. You don't have to attach any emotion to sex. Sex is just for pleasure or procreating. It does not equal love. But in the societal top beliefs they are taught that putting themselves in that vulnerable position is like a cat. If they show you the belly, you know they're trusting you. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: Women will do the same thing. Speaker 1: Right. Speaker 2: And men take advantage of that. I'm going to talk, I'm going to call it like it is. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: And they'll say stuff oh my God, I love you, right? Oh my God, that was so good, I love you. I'll come back tomorrow, we'll do it again. And that's bullshit, because the first time you try to interrupt his boy's night out, you'll find out how much he really loves you right and that's the reality. I'm gonna call a spade a spade. Men take advantage of that situation. I don't know about the other genders now, with everything going on, all I can tell you about it is what I know and how it happens. And we're teaching people to practice abstinence and that is good to have. I will say that is good to have , as long as they are exercising their sexual energy. Because all you're doing is taking away that person's future to have a secure confidence within themselves, because that sexual energy also when exercised, creates a lot of personal self-worth, a lot of personal ego, a lot of value in one's person. And when it's not exercised properly or not used properly, it will get taken advantage of. And so I'm here to tell you you can write this all down Love does not equal sex period, right , it does not matter, because you can love somebody and never. Love does not equal sex period right, it does not matter, because you can love somebody and never have sex with them right yeah, and you can have sex a million times with somebody you love. Speaker 1: Whatever you want to do, but it's your choice or you can have sex with somebody a million times and not love them yeah, totally. I mean, I just have friends with benefits, I mean exactly just because it's a good time and it's a fun recreational thing and they're good at it and you're good at it with them. Speaker 2: Right. Speaker 1: It doesn't have to have an emotion with it. Speaker 2: It's just a fun toy on the playground If you're attaching emotions to sex, you're setting yourself up for failure, which is one of the reasons why I'm going to call it . One of the reasons why the divorce rate is so high in this country is because we do not talk about this openly. In reality, we use a bible to tell us about sex yeah nothing wrong with the bible. You know, if you follow the bible, that is okay, but we're not listening to our bodies that's right we're not doing the things that we need to do to exercise that energy and put it in the right direction. Speaker 1: Yeah, and not giving sexual energy the space to exist . Speaker 2: Right. Speaker 1: We're trying to hide it or dumb it down or you know, talking about it, getting open with it. Yeah, talking about it, getting open with it. I'm not saying that you've got to get comfortable going and having a full-sex conversation with some stranger in the grocery store. What I'm saying is getting used to that sexual energy existing in your body and being able to identify it in your own bubble and giving it space to exist, just like we teach whenever we go and talk about the tears for the or the grieving process. Giving space for that energy to exist instead of stuffing it away in some box where it can blow up later, the anger, any of those things. Right, you've got to give that energy place to exist and understand what it's about and what it's showing you or the the dynamic of it, before you can really use it or understand it or whatever. Speaker 2: You've got to let it have a place to exist right, right, totally right, because society has taught us that a sex comes with promises and love comes with promises. Speaker 1: And they don't well, and society has also told us that you can't even acknowledge sex unless you have a marriage certificate right, and it's ridiculous I mean in our generation, and prior to that even more strongly you were not allowed to even acknowledge that sexual energy existed or the word sex existed, unless you had a piece of paper and a ring on your finger that says okay, now I'm allowed to acknowledge this energy and do it with my husband , wife whatever Yep. That is such a confusing bunch of nonsensical hooey boo, 100% and talk about. Speaker 2: that is, you know, used to be until the law changed in, like, I think, 2016 or something. The law used to be that if you were going through a divorce and you had sex with your ex, that you were divorcing, that the divorce was now null and void for the longest time, because the government was even attaching sex to commitment and to marriage. Speaker 1: How would they know? Do they have? Speaker 2: little cameras, they ask oh. They will ask you, like when I went through my divorce, they asked me have I had sex with her in the last three months? Speaker 1: Are you kidding? Speaker 2: No, no because they will dismiss the case right there. Speaker 1: So interesting In some states. I don't know about every state, but I know the law has changed now. Speaker 2: So the policies and the procedures and everything we get taught around sex is there's all these things attached to sex. Speaker 1: It's so stupid. Speaker 2: And sex is an internal energy. It's your own energy, it's nobody else's. Sexual energy I can't give away my energy and you can't give away your energy. Yeah, now you can't intermingle that energy right and you can have a lot of fun intermingling that energy because it's for pleasure and procreation yeah but sex does not equal love and love does not come with promises . So if somebody says, oh, you're going to be the only person I ever sleep with, nine times out of ten, according to the divorce rate, that is not true, right. But you know, and this is to be real, this conversation does not happen with children, because parents seem to think that their child's going to be the top performing person and they're going to be in the top 2% of the United States. That never has a problem. They're going to marry once, they're going to go to the same church, live in the same house, they're going to do the same thing and they're not going to be anything more than that, and they're going to be in the top 2% of people in their life. Speaker 1: And they're magically going to know the whole premise behind sex and what to do with it. Speaker 2: Mommy and daddies, you all need to be talking about this subject. Speaker 1: Absolutely. Speaker 2: Because if you don't, then you're going to down the road they're learning it from the programs that are on TV, from their friends If you don't teach them God knows where they learned it. Speaker 1: They will learn it from somewhere and they will put together a script and they'll be 50 years old learning that they've got shit. Ass backwards. Speaker 2: I was counseling a father one time and he was saying I just don't understand. She just can't get it straight in her life. She's always bouncing from boyfriend to boyfriend, to boyfriend to boyfriend, blah, blah, blah blah and she just cannot stop. And I'm like have you ever had that conversation with her? And I don't mean the conversation of what she's doing wrong, I mean the conversation of what she needs to do right. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: And he just looked at me like I was crazy. If you never have the conversation that's on you brother Right looked at me like I was crazy. If you never have the conversation that's on you, brother Right, that was your responsibility now that she's an adult. He said I had to go at 3 o'clock in the morning and save her from her boyfriend. That just beat her up. Well, she's using her sexual energy to pleasure somebody else instead of herself. Speaker 1: Right. Speaker 2: And when they start sacrificing their sexual energy, they will sacrifice themselves, absolutely, absolutely, man, this is full of good little sayings. Speaker 1: Oh, came up with heck yeah this is a juicy, like double me quarter pounder, make size it the mother up yeah, I definitely will have to put it into parts. Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I mean yeah totally. I mean it's at an hour right now. Speaker 1: Well, I just don't want to cut it short when we're on the stream of things. I want to make sure we get it all defined out there and get all of the information out there . Right, because I think it's so highly important it is for me yeah and I just was thinking okay, well, how many other people have this wired backwards ? I know that energy can't be created or destroyed and I know that having the flow of energy and other topics makes perfect sense for me. But this one blindsided me, yeah, and I sat around and I thought, man, I've redefined and burnt beliefs and restructured all of that. Why is this weird topic still popping up? And you know, one of the things that I would notice is I didn't know what my sexual, what my personal sexual energy felt like or looked like. And that was so peculiar to me because, as an empath, I'm a feeler and I thought, oh no, I'm broken. Speaker 2: I'm broken. Can somebody fix it? Speaker 1: Like when we started talking about this, I was like good god, I don't know what that feels like in my body, because I never gave it space and we're I don't know if I would call that talking, because we've had many heated discussions over this topic right, yeah, I say not heated, didn't it passionate ? Well, you know when you're working on a deep-seated thing, sometimes emotions come out. Speaker 2: Oh yeah, totally, and it's got to be okay. Speaker 1: And it has to be okay , whatever that looks like, If you're screaming and yelling at each other because your partner's bringing to light something that you're not completely, totally willing to look at and you have to get offended and jab back for a minute because you don't want to look at it, which is what happened with us. I was jabbing left and right with my jousting stick. Speaker 2: Man, you were not open to me at all. Speaker 1: I was not. I did not want to look at this, whatever it was, and so it was not a day at the spa. This candy looks good Like it was a day at the spa, but it was . I got into a tub of jalapeno water. Speaker 2: That was a day at the spa, but it was. I got into a tub of jalapeno water. That was a jalapeno face mask. Speaker 1: It was hot AF. So, yeah, that day at the spa was not lavender and lemongrass, it was freaking ghost peppers and jalapenos. Yeah, and jalapenos, yeah. Even though I would explore the masturbation thing as a individual, uh, growing up I didn't understand the premise of it, because then, when I incorporated somebody else's being or somebody else's energy in it, it immediately was defined as this is my womanly duty, whether I want to or not, and I must complete this chore, so to speak well, and it's, and when, when you're growing up so I never gave it space in my own body to exist and you weren't given the space by your parents. Speaker 2: No, because it was faux pas, it was wrong not talk about it. Speaker 1: My father did not talk about it. My mother was very often not around and probably wouldn't have talked about it, and my grandparents didn't talk about it, especially the one right. And so you I mean you had no way of knowing my aunts and uncles that were a little more open to just life itself, would make little comments here and there and try to give me little breadcrumbs of knowledge yeah but it was nothing that I needed way more like, like, we just need way more conversation about it. And then, of course, you have that class, the reproductive class in school that they created for us sex ed yeah, and. Yeah, and that is. Speaker 2: All they did was teach you what happens. Speaker 1: It was a little helpful because at least you walked away knowing that, oh wait, I can go do this thing called sex and I could end up pregnant and be having to raise a child. Speaker 2: Yeah, wow-zer, yeah, that's all they did back then was preach abstinence. They didn't preach control. Speaker 1: Yeah, right, like they must preach abstinence, they didn't preach control. Yeah, they didn't preach exercise, especially not control of the energy. Speaker 2: Because the reality is, when we're in puberty and we're growing and our hormones are taking off, we're not given that space and not understood and taught that that energy is there. Like I was pretty blessed because I had a couple of people in my life that made comments that made me think, yeah, I get it, man, I've been there. Just keep giving yourself the space to be there. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: And parents. You all need to give it the space. The reason why your teenagers are closing their door is not because they're rebelling against you. Speaker 1: Or they're listening to their music too loud. Speaker 2: They're doing it because they're trying to find them yeah it is. You have to make it okay, because the minute you make it okay and uncontrolled, is the minute that door will reopen, because now they have a different, safe place. Speaker 1: They have found their security within themselves right and it's not just sexual right you know, we don't want to give the impression that every time the door closes they're in there masturbating and play with themselves. It's uh what a derogatory statement, playing with yourself right, but that's uh, I just don't want to give that image off right. It's them understanding all the different kinds of energy and all the different kinds of components that make up our individual selves, and learning who they are in many different ways, from many different beliefs. Speaker 2: And to be real, the sexual energy is a strong point in every part of that developing body. Speaker 1: It is. Speaker 2: It is very strong. It's a very strong hormone. It's got a very every part of that developing body it is. It is very strong. Oh, it's a very strong hormone. It's got a very strong chemical release in the body. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: And them understanding it. Unless you have an open floor and have explained it deeply and give them the space to be who they are, they're going to retract from you. Speaker 1: Right. Speaker 2: And they're going to be something that you feel like they're pulling away and it does not mean that they are and everybody has to have the opportunity to exercise that and if we talked about this more openly, there would be a whole lot less drama and traumatic experiences in life. Speaker 1: Yeah, and I can give you kind of a metaphorical way to look at it If you're actually working on some topic and you're trying to revisit or find the frequency of a certain emotion, you will pull away from your friends as well, even as an adult, because you need the noise of their energy to be out of your space so that you can identify your own frequency of the topic. And it doesn't matter if it's sex or a relationship or money or whatever. When you're doing your awakening process or your spiritual grind or whatever, or your spiritual grind or whatever , you need space without the noise of other people's energy and frequency, to really learn about that for yourself, whether it be sex or anything. And so you as an adult, pull away at times, especially when you're needing to really hone in on a certain energy frequency and fine-tune that for yourself. Yeah, totally, you're needing to really hone in on a certain energy frequency and fine tune that for yourself? Speaker 2: Yeah, totally. Speaker 1: They're doing that same thing, but normally when they're in their teenage years and they're shutting that door, they're having to learn what all those frequencies feel like, look like, and that's why they become this beast that you don't recognize anymore and you sometimes wish that you could, like cryogenically, freeze them until they wake up and pass that part of their life. Speaker 2: Well, but that part of their life is such a huge part of expansion. It is crucial it is. It's a huge part of expansion. Speaker 1: It very much is I agree. Speaker 2: But anyway. So kind of to recap one is listen, guys, it's not your responsibility to take care of anybody, and if you think it's somebody else's job to take care of you, you're confused, and I mean it with anything in life. Speaker 1: That's right. Speaker 2: A relationship is not about who can take care of who. It's about two people joining individual lives together and going on each other's journeys. Right, because we have a crazy life, because we go on each other's journeys, we do some crazy stuff and that is okay and it is. Speaker 1: It is okay, wouldn't have it any other way right. Speaker 2: Challenge everybody to stop and look at it and understand that what you're looking at is not causing energy . What you're looking at is intensifying your own energy. The energy has to be there first. The energy has to be there in any topic. Speaker 1: I agree 100%. Speaker 2: So anyway, I feel pretty complete. Speaker 1: I think we did a good job on that one. I think we covered that one well If you guys have more questions or comments, you're welcome to leave them. Speaker 2: Right, but I feel complete. Speaker 1: Yeah, I think we're good. Speaker 2: Hey, check out the website wwwthemerccentersorg and you can follow us on Facebook, instagram and Dr Jeannie's new meditation video got posted yesterday on her YouTube channel , the Merc Centers. Speaker 1: Oh yes, and it turned out so, so good. You did such a good job on it. Speaker 2: Yeah, it came out good. I was really impressed for my first video creation. Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you. First time I've ever done that. I am so grateful. Speaker 2: You did amazing. Y'all go look at it and leave a comment on it. Tell me how I did. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: And if there's any comment or anything you want to talk about on this podcast, leave us a comment. Speaker 1: Absolutely. Speaker 2: And anybody that did comment in the past. I apologize if we did not respond because I discovered that I had missed a few. We love you guys. We hope you have an awesome day . Speaker 1: Love you. We'll see you next time. Bye.