Puppeteering Your Destiny: Redefining Identity

Speaker 1: Good morning Dr Gina. Speaker 2: Good morning. Speaker 1: How are you today? Speaker 2: Stupendous. Speaker 1: Stupurbulous, Ew stupurbulous. I heard that one on a YouTube short this morning. Speaker 2: Stupopulous. Speaker 1: So we're back today. We're still in season two and I have a pretty good topic for the day. Speaker 2: All right, bring it on. Speaker 1: This one's going to be fun, and I do have a title for this one, so you don't have to rib me or bone me, whatever you want to call it. Speaker 2: Okay, let her rip. Speaker 1: So this morning I was watching this thing about one of our political leaders in the country that called the LGBTQ community a identity crisis, and so what it brought to my attention was this is when I'm not talking about, we're not going to talk about that, I don't even want to address that topic, but what it made me think about was is because there's another part of this. That happened yesterday morning when one of the guys that I work with I am working with said sometimes I just don't know who I am anymore, and so I got to thinking about it today after that came up, because I was like okay, so this identity thing has come up twice, and what it brought to my attention was what I told him was well, quit trying to be what you think people want you to be and start being who you are. Speaker 2: Yep, what do you think about this topic? I'm fine. Speaker 1: I think that's spot on and and so in my thoughts this morning was I was sitting back thinking about the societal things that that we get taught that makes people act differently and makes people be not who they are but what they think they should be. Speaker 2: Based off those opinions, of course, all the way down to getting put in pink stuff because you're a girl and blue stuff because you're a boy. Speaker 1: Yeah, that's actually one of my examples that came to my head this morning. Speaker 2: All the way back to before the womb. Speaker 1: Yeah. Speaker 2: As soon as one decides that they're having a girl or finds out they're having a girl, especially back in our era, it was a very common occurrence to put the entire nursery in pink because you're having a girl. Speaker 1: Yep. Speaker 2: And dolls and all of this. Right, and so they, people and dolls, and all of this right and it it brings to the attention, not only about the gender, and if you're, and if you're a girl and you want nothing but red and black and he man, then, oh my god, something's wrong with my child yeah, somebody. Speaker 1: The doctor must have dropped her on her head I. I got switched at birth but so and here's the here's, the part about that that really resonated with me is because this identity thing is not really just about sexual identity, it's not about, um, professional identity, personal identity, identity, identity identity it's all about. It's not even about the identity, it's about giving yourself the permission to not conform to what everybody thinks you should be or do. Speaker 2: Not just everybody, but yourself. Speaker 1: Yeah, but yourself. That's correct. Speaker 2: Because that identity is created within yourself and based on all of those things. So you've got to give your own self permission to change the identity. Speaker 1: Right, like, for example, I remember when I was in kindergarten and I got on the school bus and I wouldn't let any of the girls off the bus until they gave me a kiss. Speaker 2: Oh heavens. Speaker 1: And I got in trouble from the principal, and the principal told me that little gentlemen, don't act that way. Okay, I'm five years old and you're expecting me to act like a gentleman. I have no idea even what that is Like. I remember the whole scenario and it went on for years. It was a big joke in my family, but the major part about that was is as we grow up and we become adults and we mature, you've heard people use the example of oh, they're out sowing their oats, they're out findingowing their oats, they're out finding out who they are, when the reality is they're not really finding out who they are. They're just trying to fall into conformity. And the part of it or I guess for me the ultimate subject of this podcast is about not so much about the identity, it's not about any of that. It's about allowing yourself to not conform to stipulations from other people, not to conform to being something you're not, and giving yourself the permission to be who you are , no matter what the situation is Like. You know, for example, we used to, every day when we were leading our employees, we would do our coffee talk session which is what turned into this podcast Kind of, with them we would do a minimized version of that. Speaker 2: Yeah. Speaker 1: And some of the people didn't want to hear it Right, and so I just stopped doing it. Yeah, and, and that's because of corporate america. And the reality of it is is most people will say I don't want to hear it because they need to hear it or whatever, and it doesn't really matter, because I let that person change who I am and I don't like that. Your thoughts, okay, you're just sitting over there blank here. You're kind of leaving me hanging out here a minute. Speaker 2: I'm letting you talk through. Whatever this topic is for you, it's your topic. Speaker 1: And so the conformity thing is more about you know we need to be who we are not what we think other people's expectations are of us okay, and then do that, and I think you know I'm looking for a little doctor help here. I have no idea what is going on with this podcast right now, but I really feel alone. Help me me Spirit help me Hello . Speaker 2: Well. Speaker 1: I mean? Speaker 2: what about it? Speaker 1: Hello, anybody out there Hello? Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Help me. Well, I mean, what about it? Do you find interesting? And why were you excited about talking about it? Like dive deep into it? Where do you want to go with it ? Speaker 1: Well, I don't really know. I don't really know. Speaker 2: Because there's many different directions. I don't really know. Speaker 1: I think more of the direction I want to go in is in the fact of giving ourselves permission to not be the societal thing or not to do these societal things and to allow ourselves to have the thoughts of doing or being somebody and allowing ourselves, giving ourselves the permission to do that without consequences . Speaker 2: Well, I mean, it's definitely a conversation that can be had on multiple levels. So, if you remember, life is a game level one, level two, level three, et cetera. I live on my head. Well, we'll talk about that off air. So, if you remember, life is a game. Speaker 1: Level one, level two, level three, et cetera. What level am I at? Speaker 2: Well, we'll talk about that off air. I don't want to embarrass you. Okay, pre-k comes to mind. Sorry, I had to come to Earth to have experiences for evolution and growth, that's a given, but Earth has been designed in a specific way so that we can each have different experiences. Speaker 1: Correct. Speaker 2: So some of those constructs have to exist so that we can experience them Government laws, rules, company policies, etc. So some of that playing around in that particular playground will require you to actually form a type of identity to navigate that area. Some of it you can't get away with not having some sort of identity. You can't just run amok because you've chosen to come into a place where there are governmental bodies, there are company policies and some of that. So, on some level of the game, you're playing that game out, having to have a character that you've created that says, okay, I accept the job and the construct of what that means. Yes, and I've used this example before, If I decide that I'm going to go to work for a company for the experience and one of their roles is you have to cover up your tattoos I then make a decision if I'm willing to go down that avenue and wear long sleeves for all the coming days while I work in that company. That's something I choose or or I don't choose. That's creating a type of identity that I'm willing to accept. So there are certain themes in the big theme park, if you will, that require you to have certain types of identities to have the most authentic experience you can within it that you've chosen to experience . Speaker 1: Agreed. Speaker 2: Now, if you talk about going up the ladder, so to speak, of graduation, the more complex way to go about that would be to figure out how to live in those constructs and finding ways to still honor a different type of character. And you're doing that all the time yeah, I agree all the way down to getting to a place where you can completely not have a need for any kind of identity. Speaker 1: Agreed. Speaker 2: When you talk about, like you know, graduating completely from the thought of needing to be a character or an identity. Speaker 1: So, like what comes to my mind in the process of all this, like I was raised in the country in Oklahoma, out of nowhere, the process of all this . Like I was raised in the country in Oklahoma, out of nowhere, um, very, you know, on the low income side of everything, and so I've I've heard this before oh, oh you're, you must be a redneck and you know most of my life. I conformed to that what I thought in my head was what a what a redneck was because I accepted that societal taught thing and as I matured and I grew and I moved away and I become an adult and a father and many other things, I realized that those labels that you get given by society you don't have to be and you don't have to always hang on to them. You can change, you can do whatever you want to do or you can be whoever you want to be. And giving yourself the permission do not accept the labels is one of the first steps of that and not to conform to what you vision that label is. You know, like um, I heard somebody say the other day and this is kind of a slang term which I don't even like using, but I think for this podcast it'd be appropriate is. I heard somebody you know call the female or I guess the um obvious, more masculine female of a lesbian couple as a dyke and you know. So what does that mean to that person and what does that mean to the person that they're calling that? Speaker 2: For me, a dyke is like a dam, isn't it? Speaker 1: Kind of yeah, or it's a bike with a lisp. What? Speaker 2: Oh my God, that was the worst dad joke ever. Keep your day job. Speaker 1: But, and so I actually told the person at the time that said that I'm like, well, that's not appropriate to say, first of all, and second of all, it's not your job to judge anybody else. It's your job to judge yourself and your own environment and quit pushing off those kind of things. That's not nice, not very nice, that's just not a nice thing to do. Let people be who they are. And the response I got back was kind of priceless, because the person that was sitting beside this person said to her well, you're old and crinkly. Does that make you a ruffle chip? And it was one of the family members of one of the people and it was kind of random but it kind of hit home with her. Speaker 2: I see. Speaker 1: And so you know it just to me brings to light the thoughts behind all of it that people have that we all try to conform to and it's not okay to do. And I'm definitely not going to accept the labels and I'm going to give myself permission to be whatever it is I want to be and do whatever it is I want to do, based off my my contractually journey here on earth, and and complete this journey with my beautiful wife and and go on and try to see like I'm going to the Mayans. We're going to the Mayans on our cruise. Do you see the Mayan ruins? There's so many different societal taught opinions out there, cause I've been looking it up about what happened to them, what they were for, were they from earth or they're not from earth. There's all sorts of things out there, right and, and so it kind of taints your experience If you're going over there and making your own opinion. Speaker 2: I mean it definitely can. Speaker 1: And and so, if you let it, right, I agree, and that's what I'm talking about is I gave myself a permission to not own what those people say and let me, let me form my own opinion. Right, and that's kind of how we got to look at life when we go through life and trying to adhere to the labels of people. Do you agree with that? Speaker 2: Well, I mean, of course, I don't think that it's beneficial to adhere to anyone outside of yourself, whether it be a label or belief or perspective or opinion Like this is not a them job journey, it's a you journey. Speaker 1: Right, I agree. Speaker 2: It's a me journey. It's my journey. I think that every given person needs to go on their journey the way that they see fit. There is no magical book out there that says do it this way and it'll be. Speaker 1: Dang. So that book I bought the other day, that was life's instruction book, is not for that Dang. Speaker 2: No, I mean there can be techniques in there that you can adopt that help you along your journey. But yeah, I mean. You know Lab labels are just that they confine you into a box of performing in your reality or being a character in your reality that is governed by the definition that you give that label. Speaker 1: I agree, I agree. That's where kind of my head went. Speaker 2: And you can choose at any moment to stop being that puppet with those strings attached. Speaker 1: That is kind of where I was going with the podcast this morning is you just described it well is being a puppet being a puppet in the play when we're supposed to be the? What's that guy called that controls the puppet puppeteer no , there's a name for him I think it's called a puppeteer no, mary, mary, mary oh, marionetta marionette, that's marionette. Yeah, oh, you wanted the technical term yeah, I think you could call it a puppeteer as well, but marionette I get you I think a puppeteer are the ones that put their hands on the bottom of them and the marionette is the one to use, the one from the top right I don't know anyway, I don't know but be your own marionetta, and of your life, and control each step of the way with the marionetta, that's the word. Speaker 2: You don't think so? Speaker 1: either, but I'm going to use it today. Today, that's my word okay that's not a genieism, just be clear. But you know, become your own puppet master and be your own person and allow your life to be what it is, that you want it to be and not what everybody else thinks it to be. And you got to give yourself the step by step, step by step permissions to do that. Speaker 2: Well, yeah, and I mean you have to be careful that you. I mean you have to be careful that you. So one of the things that I've reminded people in previous podcasts is that sometimes, if you are having a thought that, oh, they think this about me, it can be that you've actually created that without even collecting the information as to whether they think that about you. So, don't get tripped up with that either. Make sure you're not creating some bogus lie to yourself about what you think the other people are thinking for sure. And then when you get to a place where you can just not care what other people think, then it just doesn't matter and then you can be whoever you want . You got to dive deep into the emotion of it, like why are you trying to be somebody you're not ? Is there some learning to still take place? Why are you choosing to believe that it is somehow beneficial for you to continue to be this character that you have designed based on your opinion or your perspective of what somebody else thinks about that word that you've given some sort of definition to, or you've chosen to adopt the definition of some sort of definition to, or you've chosen to adopt the definition of it's obviously beneficial in some way, or you wouldn't be doing it. Speaker 1: I agree. Speaker 2: Even if it is just getting you to a place of experiencing it in less than pleasant ways, so that you can relace it and write something new. Speaker 1: I agree, you know the permission slips behind it and giving yourself the ability to be what you want to be comes with those definitions, like you just said, and the definitions behind things can change. You know, as we evolve and go through things, the deep conversations go on in your own mind and with your higher self and with your life experiences, and definitions of things can change pretty rapidly throughout your life as you clear things and clear out historical events and when you define yourself in a certain way based on your parameters, you have to look at those definitions of the things that you're labeling yourself with and listen to your higher self within the guidance, and allow yourself to be more of a rounded I say rounded person. I don't want to be round, I'd rather be just what I am, but more of a. That was another dad joke, nobody laughed Okay and giving yourself the permission to be whatever within it and work through each definition. This is part of, also part of the stigma that we get growing up with our own parents opinions on things and what, the way we get taught and the beliefs that we pick up from those that were in authority over us as we when we were young, you know, like we talked about in the previous podcast, about how how racism was pretty predominant back when we were kids. And it's the same thing, you know, if we weren't more open-minded, we would adopt those things and become one of those people that use race as an excuse to be mean to others. And as we evolve and grow, we change the definitions of things and realize that this is not the way to live, or some, some people maybe it is their way to live? I don't know. Speaker 2: I mean again, it's just an individual journey of what you came here to experience . What themes are you signed up for? If we're going to go, based on the, we're going on a cruise. What excursions did you sign up for on your journey? Speaker 1: I just asked that question this morning. Speaker 2: What. Speaker 1: What excursions did you sign us up for on our cruise ? Speaker 2: Yes, you did. Speaker 1: And so I'm letting her write my definitions of my cruise. Hmm, I'm playing. That's a joke. That was another dad joke. Why is nobody laughing at my dad jokes today? I'm going to have to start laughing at myself. Speaker 2: I don't even think you have a laugh button, so maybe you should actually. Speaker 1: At least I can get some applause out of my dad jokes. I'm going to start doing my dad jokes. That's a cheer, I know, and so this podcast is not going in the direction I really wanted it to go, and I don't really know how to get it there. Speaker 2: Well, let's get clear about where were you inspired. To take it. Speaker 1: I wasn't really inspired to take it anywhere. Speaker 2: I just expected it to be more spiritually guided, I guess. Oh, you had an expectation and an underlying insistence on how it should look. Speaker 1: Yes. Speaker 2: How's that working out for? Speaker 1: you, it didn't work out to me. Speaker 2: Oh, I see, too good, actually I'm not doing well so why don't we take our machete and let's cut away the brush and let's get down and dirty to what it is you're really wanting to talk about. And let's get down and dirty to what it is you're really wanting to talk about, because I feel like this is all hiding behind a bush. Speaker 1: Well, some of it is. Speaker 2: So what is it that? Why were you so excited about this topic, and what does it represent for you? Speaker 1: Well, some of it is within my book. You know the studies of my book and you know the research I'm doing in that area and the societal taught labels that men get given because I'm going to tell you I'm getting nothing okay, so so maybe we just change . Speaker 2: No, so we just bail on it no so maybe take your little imaginary machete out and chop away the stuff that's in the way, so we can get a clearer perspective on what direction you were inspired to go with it, without feeling like you've got to pull teeth cloak it or no, not really cloaking what I. What I think it is is there's so many different directions or coat it in chocolate, dip it in chocolate so it's sweeter. Speaker 1: You know, I guess what I'm battling with a little bit maybe this is why it's coming up is in my research for this book. You have so many of these societal taught stigmas that are put on men that it's not okay to do this, it's not okay to do that, it's not okay to do this, that it's not okay to do this, it's not okay to do that, it's not okay to do this, and you can't be this. You know, like in our last podcast we talked about how I paint my toenails with you, we go get pedicures and I paint my toenails. Speaker 2: Right. And in my world back, you know growing up, that would have been a no-no Like they would have chopped your toes off or what. Speaker 1: No, you would have got made fun of, you would have you know it would have. Speaker 2: You would have been teased and I get what you're saying and the, the whole, the whole spiel behind it was is. Speaker 1: It makes you feel like you know, like still this day, even though I paint my toenails, I don't wear flip-flops so people could see them oh right, yeah, you won't take your shoes off I won't, yeah, so you have not fully embraced it. Speaker 2: You're still doing the baby sips which is fine. That's what the process looks like for you. Speaker 1: Because I hate toes. Speaker 2: But if you, why I? Speaker 1: think they're ugly. They're so beneficial. I think they're ugly. Well, that's your opinion. Yeah, I know. Speaker 2: And that. Speaker 1: I agree. Speaker 2: Nope, you don't agree . You hate toes and you think they're ugly. Speaker 1: Okay, so I think my toes are ugly, oh, okay. Speaker 2: Why? What do you expect them to look like you want them to look like ? Would you rather have like three toes that look like aliens , or like what do you want them to look like? Speaker 1: I don't know, I just think they're ugly, I don't know . Anyway, the podcast or this topic for me is about breaking through those freaking stigmas and those labels and being who you want to be, how you want to be, when you want to be. And for me, like I just said, I don't even go without my shoes around strangers because of that , but yet I do it because I want to be when you want to be and like. For me, like I just said, I don't even go without my shoes around strangers because of that , but yet I do it because I want to do it. And it has in, in it, in it has zero to do with my masculinity no, that's not true that is true no no, I mean okay. So I mean me getting my, my, my toes. Speaker 2: That's what you want to believe and that's what you're working towards, but that belief still is hanging on in you. I mean, I agree, it is still a part of your blueprint at this time. Speaker 1: Right? Well, what I'm saying is because of the labels and the things that people would say back in the day about those kind of things. I go through my life and I navigate my life now in a way, knowing where my masculinity is, but I don't do it, I don't like take my shoes off in public or whatever, because of that possibility of that happened, because of that backed into the beliefs that I had. Speaker 2: It's, it's still a cop out. Speaker 1: What do you mean? Speaker 2: I love you so much. But you know, and and and this is where my specialty is, you said it just yesterday I am very information forward and that gets taken as me being mean or abrupt or whatever. And I'm just very forward with my information. I don't sugarcoat it, I will bring the hard truth forward. Information I don't sugarcoat it, I will bring the hard truth forward. And when you come to me and you say I want to work on this, like I'm going to dig it up and we're going to look at it, and so if you truly had worked through all of the levels, all the layers of just that one thing, of just that one thing, then you would have no emotions on your emotional guidance system, about functioning in your reality however you see fit . In spite of having your toenails painted, which is a cultural and societal no-no for a male gender Like you would be able to take your socks off and run around barefoot or put your flip-flops on. And what you're doing currently is you're, when you go to get dressed, you are putting on pieces of clothing that cloak or hide that aspect of you so that you don't have to deal with the social stigma that's attached to that because you're not truly done with experiencing what it feels like to be judged by the people outside of you, because you're not completely convinced that you're okay with it inside of you. Otherwise you wouldn't care you would just go and you would get dressed and it would be whatever , and you would be confident enough in yourself to know that when you go out into your reality that you've created whoever you've put on your path to present you, to challenge you , to give you a pop quiz, so to speak, on this particular topic, you would be ready to embrace that and you would be able to look at that person and say whatever. Whatever comes up, so what, I don't care, that's your opinion, not your business. Like whatever, you would be able to do that and you're holding yourself back because of your still maintaining a belief and a definition that it is not okay on some level, and the having to experience what the people outside of you are going to say do think is a more unpleasant experience than just putting a sock on and a shoe on, even if you'd rather put flip flops on or go barefooted. Speaker 1: I agree with. I mean, I do agree with this statement, Even down to. Speaker 2: You do realize that even down to when we went to the Bahamas and I'll bring this up you were not consciously aware of this at all. When we went to the little radio beach and you said well, we got to at least put our feet in the sand and stick our feet in the water, we're here. You walked quite a distance to go to the side of the beach where there were no people before. You took your socks and shoes off and put your feet in the water and then, when you were done with that, you immediately put your shoes back on and I walked barefoot all the way back up to the car. Speaker 1: If you go back and remember that, Okay, I remember that, but I didn't identify it with that. Speaker 2: Right? Well, you wouldn't. I said you were completely unconscious about it, and so there's behavior, unconsciously, that is tangled up in that as well. So, if you really want to dive deep and look at it, you're still holding on to that identity that's been given to you by your parents and society, and all of that on how a man should look on the outside and how a man should act, and you know whatever that definition is for you. You're still doing it based on those outside of you instead of based on how you want to experience at the new level of the game or at the next level. Speaker 1: Okay, I would agree with that statement. I guess because I know I subconsciously and consciously do things to make sure that well , I guess in most cases, to make sure that nobody knows I paint my nails. Speaker 2: Yeah, only to your private sector, right? You'll mention it to your close friends in your private sector and you'll mention it and say, yeah, I do, but there's never a take my mysterious about it, leaving them to wonder hmm, is he just joking, is he just messing around? Does you leave that shadow of a doubt with them, which means you don't have to completely embrace it and they are left not sure if you're just messing around or if you're being truthful, which then doesn't quiz, and you're putting yourself out there by saying it in a public format just to kind of give yourself a little baby pop quiz. And you're doing it step by step, which is a great example on what I mean whenever I talk about. When you're going to change a belief, especially a deep core seated belief, do the baby steps . This is a perfect example of that, and in your particular journey, we're talking about men painting their toenails and becoming okay with that to the them of the world. Speaker 1: Some hard rock and metal dudes do it Right, but we're dudes do it Right, but we're talking about you not them . Speaker 2: I know, I was just making it funny and giving people a very beautiful example of baby steps and how to get to that place. Because if you can get to that place of not really you know when you think about what is somebody going to think and you can truly say and know in in your being, in your gut, that you truly do not care what they think. That is such a freeing place and you just go uninhibited and you go and do it and it just feels really good and it's a very cool vibration to be in. And, um, so you, so you're doing that in baby steps and it looks kind of like this You're not quite ready to go out there and just run around and flip flops and be exposed to all the Tom Dick and Harry's opinions and have to navigate that yet. But what you're doing is is, verbally, you're putting it out there to a small crowd of people , to the level of your willingness and your comfort of being able to almost kind of desensitize yourself, one little baby step at a time, and so to those few people that you've mentioned it to, it's like okay, I did that and nothing wonky really happened and I don't completely have to embrace the fact that, yes, I fully have owned this. I've owned it partially, to the level of which I can own it, and that's a baby step, and so you should give yourself acknowledgement and a pat on the back, and it should be viewed as a positive progression towards the growth and development that you're wanting to accomplish, but also notice and be aware that there's more there's more to do with it, if you choose to, and it can take as long or as short as you want to, but that's what I mean by baby steps. Speaker 1: And that's just a prime example that we you can use it with any subject, not just with this subject, Of course. Speaker 2: The mechanism is designed the way the mechanism is and it works on any topic, every topic in the same way, every way all the time. Speaker 1: Right, because in my world if you had painted toenails, you get beat up. Oh, I mean, that's not really, I was just playing, that's you know back. No, it's true. Speaker 2: Yeah, it was it is, you were bullied and made fun of and quite possibly physically accosted for having painted toenails. Unless, like you said, unless you were one of those metal dudes and they truly didn't care , probably because they had some confidence in their being that they knew they could win the fight physically and they didn't really care. Or they carried a switchblade around and knew that okay, if I gotta cut somebody over it, I will, whatever in school. You just looked at those people like, yeah, they're there. They have no qualms about cutting somebody, so we're just not even gonna mess with them. Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the truth. Back in our when we were, when we were growing up. Speaker 2: you just knew that that, uh, headbanger, kind metal person, that's the definition that we gave them, and you just knew you didn't mess with them. So if they came to school with their nails painted or whatever, it was just okay. And you knew that you weren't going to say anything because Looking like Ozzy Osbourne with eyeliner on. They would cut a person. Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, yeah, and that's. You know, it was a rivalry back between my group of people and those back in the day and it was anyway, we're off topic a little bit. The point behind what you're getting at and that's kind of where I wanted to get is to make it okay and take baby steps to do things and become okay within yourself. And you're right, I'm still working on some things with it. Speaker 2: Of course. Speaker 1: And there's little things within the world, within my bubble, that I am working on in kind of that scenario of because we're going on the cruise and I was just thinking today I'm like, you know, I'm going to get some flip-flops and we're on the cruise. That's kind of what it was in my mind. Where's that button? Speaker 2: oh, wait a minute that was a train wreck. I feel like I can't do that because my toes are painted. And then what am I gonna do? Speaker 1: but knowing I will never see any of those people ever again I mean that can be. Speaker 2: You know that can be the next uh pop quiz. And the journey is playing with it and saying you know what? This is a group of people that I'll never see again. And and so you take yourself down the process, down the path, in whatever size step, whatever size bite that you can eat the elephant in, and just embracing the fact that, whatever the pace is, whatever that looks like for you is exactly what it's supposed to look like, and not be insistent or have an expectation that, in order for it to be done successfully or completely, that it has to look a certain way based on your definition of how it should look , or in your insistence upon how it should look, or in your insistence upon how it should look or how somebody's told you that it should look. Embrace the fact that you are making progression along your way, in your own way, and that should have value, and you should commend yourself and give yourself a pat on the back for making that progress. Speaker 1: Right, you know, I remember the first pedicure you took me to yeah, it was in Texas , and because I mean I never took care of my feet. Speaker 2: My feet were terrible , so let's preface it. Speaker 1: And cracked and ugly and I want to preface it with this. Speaker 2: Okay, so when I met this man, he never wore flip flops, he always had his boots on and he very rarely would wear shorts. He would, most of the time he had his pants on. Speaker 1: Oh well, yeah, you're right. I mean, there was a long time in my life that I did wear shorts a lot, especially when I was coaching baseball, when I met you it was very rare, yes, like if you went to because you were still coaching when we first met Right. Speaker 2: So there were a couple occasions where you would go to a coaching session and have shorts on, but even the majority of the time when you went to the coaching you had your pants on. Speaker 1: Yeah, I would agree with that statement. But the part of that, well, you know, I kind of lost my spot there. Where was I going? I guess I'm not supposed to say that, whatever it was. No, no, when we went to the first pedicure, that's what it was. Yeah, and I never took care of my feet. I mean, my feet were rough man. I'd always end up with cracked feet and they hurt. You know, I didn't because I just wasn't taking care of them, because I was always taught that men don't do that. Speaker 2: Right, I was going to say but that comes from that deep belief that that's not a guy thing. Speaker 1: And then you took me to my first pedicure and I remember being the only guy in there and she was like oh yeah, lots of guys do it. And I walk in and I'm the only dude in this entire big room and I'm sitting there and I'm like I'm like Chelsea get wine stat look around. from looking around, I'm like, and all the other girls, I'd catch them. You know what I thought was a little side eye, until that was like the third or fourth one we went to and that one lady said man, I wish my husband would do that. Speaker 2: Yeah, it's about it's . Yeah, it's not side eye, it's like jealousy, because they don't want. Speaker 1: They don't want rough feet on them in the bed. Speaker 2: That's right. I mean they wish that their guy would embrace that and be able to come and have their feet. Speaker 1: Yeah, taken care of. Speaker 2: Tended to. Speaker 1: And so the cool part about it was it was like two or three times later, this same lady finally got her husband to come in, do you remember? Yeah, and she walked in and we were already in there, and her husband's with her, and I said, oh, you got him talked into it by this time. I'm comfortable, I've got my headphones on, I'm watching videos and I'm just enjoying it, because I'll tell you what there ain't nothing better than a foot massage and emphatic care Um your feet. Feel good Like I don't have cracked feet anymore. Speaker 2: My feet don't stink. Speaker 1: Yeah, and so it changes every. It changes your perspective on things of it's not feminine, but it is this proper care it is very it's taking care of. Now the fingernail polish can be considered feminine, but I don't consider it feminine. I do it because I want it. I want to do it. Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean at first , when you did it the first couple of times now. So he started with clear polish and he started with the comment that you know I just I like the smooth feeling of it against the sheets. Speaker 1: I like the way it feels. Speaker 2: I don't like the roughness, and that's because if you've the first, baby step of getting desensitized to this social stigma of it and that's just the permission slip that he used to get him from that initial step of embracing that release of that identity that was given to you by society and by parental or whatever. Speaker 1: I used to use the bottom of my feet to scratch my legs. That's pretty sad. Speaker 2: Because they were so rough. Speaker 1: Because they were so rough it was like sandpaper. So now, and you're right, I remember the first time I got the clear polish. I remember thinking man, that's smooth yeah and then I got in the bed I was like but you know what? What was weird to me was the squishy toes in your socks when you put your shoes back on and stuff that squishiness in there. Speaker 2: Yeah, I can remember you first complaining and saying oh, I just don't like that squishiness, because I would tell you, if you remember I would. I would tell you well, yeah, when my feet get rough in between pedicures, I put the lotiony um greasy stuff on and put my socks on and sleep in them. Yeah, and you're like oh no, I can't do that. Speaker 1: I don't like that squishy feeling between my toes and whatever, whatever the thing of it that I had to really work through was identifying that there's nothing that's not masculine about taking care of yourself and not being fearful of labels and people judging you and really, in all reality, who freaking cares? Who freaking cares? They're my feet. I can do what the F I want to with them. Speaker 2: Well, and it's a good example too, in whatever topic you're talking about, how your definitions and your beliefs and your perspectives can limit you from being able to experience a very pleasant thing within it if you're limiting yourself from exploring it because of some societally taught or even self-taught perspective because, you're afraid you're going to be made fun of or some lie that you're running around in your head with that. If I do this, the they is going to think this of me. Speaker 1: Yeah, like I remember taking you to the, when I would drive you to go get your pedicures and I would just sit in the car, yeah, and you'd be like you want to come and get one. I'm like nope. Speaker 2: Okay, I'm with that. Speaker 1: And I would just sit in the car and wait or I would go do something else. But now I mean, heck, I wish I'd have been doing it all my life. What a difference. And this crazy part about it is my feet don't get tired either. It used to be to identify the parts of it, and I hope that there are some men that listen to this, that understand that you don't feel the way you feel. And women do all this stuff to their body for a reason because it does feel good. Speaker 2: Because it feels good and, to take it a little bit in a bifurcated direction, you know, whenever you have somebody else working on your feet, if we look at you know so in previous podcasts we've talked about you've got a, you've got a triad going on, you've got the mind, you've got the energy body , you've got the physical body. So you're taking care of your feet physically, because that's a topic we're talking about. But whenever you have someone manually massaging and moving that energy around, that was previously probably stale and stuck was previously probably stale and stuck. Now you're beginning to work with the energy body through somebody else's hand and so you get the energy moving as well and it's a definitely a healthy construct because you're taking care of the physical part. You're, by getting those massages and letting that other person move that energy around for you, now you're tending to the energy body of it and getting the energy flowing and the physical body and so now you're working on the physical and the energetic. But the beautiful thing about it is that if you are ready to take it to that level and you go and you get a socially stigmatic pedicure which is designed only for the female population, now you're working on evolution in the mind, body, Right, and you're going to allow yourself to work through the beliefs, patterns and programs mentally and then just become lighter and lighter and have less baggage and that brings about a wonderful evolution and growth. Speaker 1: And I remember looking up cultures that men painted their toenails in, and there are some cultures out there that only the men do it. Speaker 2: Of course we can definitely take it in the direction of anthropology. That was a way to empower myself and justify my actions. Speaker 1: Yeah, you use whatever permission slip that you have to in the direction of anthropology. That was a way to empower myself and justify my actions. Speaker 2: Yeah, by the way, use whatever permission slip that you have to. Speaker 1: I know back in the day in Greece, in the Caesar days, the women actually painted the men's toenails and they used I can't remember they called it something, it was a mixture of ash and something else and painted their toenails after they washed their feet and massaged their feet. So basically back even 1,200 BC , they were getting pedicures. Right, exactly, and that's what I was going to say is that we can also take it, and the Bible speaks of Jesus' feet being washed. Speaker 2: Of course we can take it in an anthropological direction as well and study in how it was done prior to us. And the washing of the feet was actually a very royal performed thing, you know, if you were the higher echelon, the upper echelon, you were fat and had painted toenails. You got your feet. Yeah, tended to. It was respectful to the king, that's right. Yeah, upper echelon, you were fat and had painted toenails you got your feet, yeah, tended to. Speaker 1: It was called, it was respectful to the king that's right yeah when we have somebody outside the royal family or outside the court came in. Speaker 2: That was expected yeah, I mean, and if you were, that's where the bowing come in. Speaker 1: You know used to be, they would bow and they would have to. They would wash their feet with a towel. Speaker 2: That's where they bowed to smell the feet to see if they stunk. Speaker 1: They would bow to wash their feet To see if you could get in the castle. That's kind of where it started at. Speaker 2: Nope, you smell like cheese. Get out yeah. Speaker 1: You're yeasty smelling Anyway. But you know, and to take it to the other perspective of it, being a man that used to have terrible feet, the difference in the health of yours, like like the circulation in my feet, are so much better in my lower legs. Um, you know, my, my toes don't get cracked or dry skin and it's . It's really. It makes you feel better, makes your legs feel better and my feet, like I used to be my feet would be wore out by the end of the day. Yeah, and I walk, probably more now than I did then. Speaker 2: Right. Speaker 1: And my feet don't get tired Right, and I think that has something to do with that circulation, that massage, the energy movement the expansion of the veins, everything, of course. And when your feet aren't trying to battle, being healthy and pulling all those nutrients and everything down there to keep your feet from cracking, and all the moisture down there, then it can use it elsewhere in your body. Speaker 2: Oh yeah, on a physical level. Speaker 1: On a physical level, yeah, and energetically the same thing, Right. I mean, your energy body is going to try to heal it as well, and so that energy and your immune system can all be. It's much easier and it can use it in other parts of your body to do things. Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, having a well-rounded health regimen is 100% the way to go. Yeah, Mind body and energy, Working with all of them. Speaker 1: And so what I would say in this is Go get a pedicure , man. Speaker 2: Yeah, go get a pedicure. Speaker 1: All men go get a pedicure. If you don't get one, you're not a man. Just kidding. Anyway, not being judgmental, that was funny. I was trying to be funny. But give yourself the permission to do and be the things that society has not taught you to do or be. Don't follow the societal belief. Do what feels good, and that's really the key to it. Speaker 2: Yeah, if you're ready for some growth and expansion, try to take yourself out of the box that you live in. Speaker 1: Out of the comfort zone. Speaker 2: Whatever the box is titled, yeah, whatever box you're living in, whatever title , that is, whatever topic feels right. Try to take some baby steps on coming out of that box and feel the freedom of unboxing. Speaker 1: Be yourself, man Be yourself. Speaker 2: Unbox the real you. Speaker 1: And any of those little fleeting thoughts that you get you know. Look into them. Speaker 2: Unwrap the presence of you now. Speaker 1: Because we're here to have life experiences, and why not experience all of it? Why not Right? That's where I'm at. That's where I'm at and that's where I'm trying to work myself into the experience. Have the full life experience and not have judgment. Speaker 2: Currently our cat's having a life experience. Speaker 1: Yeah, she is. Speaker 2: Because she wants in the studio. Speaker 1: Anyway, well, I feel pretty complete. How do you feel? Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel good. I mean, as long as we took it in the direction that you were wanting to take it in, you know, I think. Speaker 1: yes, I think we did. I think it would have probably come up again somewhere down the road. Speaker 2: But anyway, Like I said, the rabbit hole part of it is always fun to go to. In my mind, I love going down the rabbit hole. Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. Getting to the place where you don't need an identity at all. She has this ability to tap into your higher self and pull stuff out of you. Everybody that works with her says that they have to wear their tinfoil hat around her. I will. Speaker 2: I'll dig around in there if you give me permission. Speaker 1: Anyway, hey, we appreciate y'all listening, like , follow and share and look us up on social media at the Merck Centers and our website is also the same thing at wwwthemerckcentersorg, and if you want to experience this firsthand, go online. Send us an email. Our email is merckpods at gmailcom. Send us an email. Our email is mercpods at gmailcom, and you can send us an email and we will be happy to sit down and talk with you or call you or whatever, if you need anything in the future, or we can talk about your topic on air. Speaker 2: Yeah, we will bring it up, because what may come up for you may be the exact thing that somebody else is looking for. You just never know. You just never know. Speaker 1: Man, all righty Ring the bell For you, maybe the exact thing that somebody else is looking for. Speaker 2: Yeah, you just never know. Speaker 1: You just never know man, all righty, ring the bell. Ring the bell for notifications . Don't forget to hit that bell. Anyway, appreciate you all. Have an awesome day. Speaker 2: Love ya, we'll see you next time. Bye.